I have been with my lady for some time now. Our relationship is mostly on and off. I care deeply about her but she has a habit of icing me out whenever I upset her. It hurts when she does that but I still look out for her. Even when we are on a break, I want to make sure that she is doing well. When I get information that she is sick, I reach out to her and send her money for medication. That’s basically the nature of our relationship and we’ve been doing this roller coaster ride for so long that I can predict how long we will be together before we go off and how long it would take for us to get back together again.

Somewhere last year, we were on a break when I heard she gained admission to the university. I was concerned about how she would fund it, considering her poor finances. So I reached out to her and asked, “I heard you are in school, congratulations. My concern is, how are you going to finance yourself through school?” She told me, “How I pay my fees doesn’t concern you.” I understood her message as, “I am not ready to make peace with you.” So I backed off.

She didn’t reach out to me until a few months had passed. She sent me a message on Facebook, “Hi dawgger. So you’ve abandoned me.” It is typical of her to act like I am the one who ghosted her whenever she wants us to get back together. So we talked and patched things up. She didn’t bring up anything about her education and I also didn’t ask. I knew it was just a matter of time before she would ask me to pay the fees for her so I quietly watched her.

When their exam was approaching she called me, “Lawrence, exam is approaching and I am owing school fees. I won’t be allowed to write the exams if I don’t pay the balance.” I told her, “I will pay it for you just this once. After the exams, let’s talk and come up with a financial plan for you.” She agreed and I paid the fees. I made sure she understood that I will not take responsibility for her fees.

She lived in Kumasi and I, in Accra. Every time she wants to visit me I would have to send her money for transportation. The last time she asked me to send her money to come and visit me I asked her, “You can’t even afford to visit me if I don’t give you money. How then do you intend to pay your school fees for the next four years? Whose idea was it for you to go to the university?” She said, “My church encouraged me to go, and they paid half the fees for me.”

It didn’t make sense to me. Why would a church encourage someone to go to school when they don’t intend to fully sponsor it? They could have helped her learn a skill instead. I told her, “You studied fashion design at SHS and you are good at it. That’s why I always encouraged you to pursue a career in that field. I know you are at the university now but it’s not too late. If you drop out and enrol in fashion school, I will bear all the costs. At the end of the day, your degree will become useless when you are not able to get a job with it. However, learning a skill will always bring you income.” She said she would rather continue her university education than accept what I proposed.

I really wanted to help her so I told her, “If you insist on going to school, then move to Accra and let me get you a job. That way you will be able to earn some money for your fees.” She agreed and moved to Accra to stay with me. After she moved in with me, I helped her get a job yet she tried to persuade me to pay her fees. I told her, “I told you I won’t pay for a university education for you to graduate with a worthless degree. You are earning money now so save for school. That was our agreement, wasn’t it?”

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Ever since I said that, she has been holding a grudge against me. She would pick quarrels with me just to have a reason to stop talking to me. We live in the same room, yet she can go for days without talking to me. She would wake up, take her bath, and go to work. Sometimes, I apologize for the sake of peace, even when she is the one at fault. It is only when I apologize that she would talk to me.

A few days ago she asked me for money to travel to Kumasi to write exams. I told her, “I don’t have money for that. You earn your own money now. Let’s not forget that I give you pocket money every day. So you should be able to fund yourself to Kumasi and back.” Because I didn’t give her the money she left for Kumasi without saying anything to me. When she got there too, she didn’t call me.

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I called her to check if she arrived safely and she gave me straight answers. She arrived on a Friday. I didn’t hear from her till she returned to Accra on Sunday Evening. When she got home she didn’t talk to me. She just took her bath and slept. I know some of you readers might say that she is living with me and I am having shuperu with her so I should pay the fees or support her when it comes to certain things. Well, we don’t do it that much. Most times we do it is twice a month.

The more I think about her behaviour, the more I am tempted to believe that she only got back to me so that I would pay her school fees. So I am wondering if I should apologize to her once again to make peace, or if I should watch her and see how long she would go before deciding we should work things out. Should I even settle things with her? What do I do?

–Lawrence

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