I decided to share my story because of the woman whose husband has started shaving whenever he travels for work. It reminds me of my own experience. Mine doesn’t have anything to do with shaving. Rather, it’s about waist beads.

When I started dating Nana Yaa, I noticed she didn’t wear waist beads. I thought it odd because I grew up with the notion that girls wear waist beads. So I asked her, “Why aren’t you wearing any beads around your waist?” She shrugged and answered, “I don’t like it. It makes me uncomfortable.” I smiled sweetly at her and asked, “Do you think you can try wearing it for me? You might get used to it.” She said she wouldn’t. I was disappointed but I let it go.

Another time I was talking to her when I held her by her waist. It felt odd not to hear beads rattle so I asked her, “Are you sure you don’t want to try wearing beads? Not even once?” Again, she shook her head and said it made her uncomfortable. I wanted her to wear it but I accepted her decision not to.

As time went on I noticed she started buying waist beads. I was surprised, considering how much she did not want to wear them. I didn’t ask her what changed. I just kept quiet and watched her. She bought different types of beads and they were all beautiful. I was so excited that I would see her in them. But every time we met she wouldn’t wear any. I asked her about it and she said, “I bought them but I don’t feel okay when I wear them.” I said okay and left it alone.

One time she told me was going out to hang out with some male friends. I didn’t have a problem with that until she came to my place after. That night I noticed she had worn her beads. I thought she had gotten used to wearing them so I was happy. Only for her to remove it before we went to bed. She explained her actions by singing the same song, “It makes me uncomfortable to wear it.” “If that’s the case, then why did you wear it to go and meet your male friends?” I demanded. She couldn’t answer me. She just ignored me and went to sleep.

This became a pattern in the relationship. Every time she was going to meet a male friend or male friends, she would wear waist beads. And then take them off when she got to my place. I am the one who advocated for her to start wearing them yet she refused to let me see her in them. One day she wore it when she was going out with another one of her male friends so I asked her, “Why do you always wear beads when you are going to meet your friends? Are you going to lift your dress and ask them to admire your beads?” She didn’t mind me. She just left.

Of all the things she did, the one that stood out was when I went to a different town with her. I have a place there so we went there often. She made an acquaintance with one of my co-tenants. He is a married man so I didn’t raise any objections. However, when we went there on this particular night, Nana Yaa said she was going to watch a show in the man’s room. I wasn’t comfortable with the idea but I let her go anyway. She was there for a while. And when she returned I noticed she was wearing her beads. I saw this because she took it off as soon as she got back.

Before I could ask her any questions she told me, “I am sorry I took so long. The man tried to have his way with me but I escaped.” I was concerned. I started asking questions but she assured me that she was fine. It was time for us to bath and sleep so I asked her to use the bathroom first. After she finished, I went inside. By the time I came out, she was gone. I had no idea where she went and it took a while for her to return.

The first thing she said was, “Sorry, I had to go back to his room. I left my phone when I went there the first time so I went back for it.” I was very confused. If this man tried to force himself on her, then why didn’t she ask me to go for her phone, instead of going there herself? Also, I held her by the waist and realized she was wearing her beads again. I asked her why she wore the beads if it was just to go for her phone and she couldn’t respond. All she did was take it off before we went to sleep.

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It was at that point that I realized my relationship was not what I believed it was. I was certain she was cheating on me but I had no proof. So I went into her phone to look for answers. She was very protective of it but a small window opportunity presented itself and I took it. I couldn’t go through it thoroughly but I came across a chat with her ex. This was someone she supposedly broke up with because he kept cheating on her. What I read from their chats told a different story. Everything pointed to the fact that they were still together.

This is a woman I was planning my future with. The pain I felt after reading her chat with her ex was too much for me to bear. I didn’t read any other chat. I just put the phone away and put my hand on my chest as if it would stop the pain.

We Agreed To Be Friends With Benefit | Silent Beads

I confronted her and she didn’t deny that she was still in love with her ex. We had been together for one year but I had no idea what was going on. Needless to say that the relationship ended there and then. She moved on with her ex and I walked away with a broken heart.

I am better now but I’m scarred. I am too afraid to get involved with a woman again. It’s been a year since our break up yet I am still single. I have decided to focus my energy on making money. I believe when the time is right, love will find me again.

—Kweku   

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