We were just about starting a relationship when her ex came back into the picture. She told me all about it and assured me she wouldn’t go back to him. She said yes to me that very day and a relationship started. I loved her honesty and how she went about the whole thing. If I didn’t love her that much, what he told me about her ex made me love her more.

She had a daughter with her ex. The daughter was about four years old when her ex appeared out of nowhere to claim a spot in their lives. Her family was the problem. They advised her to go back to her ex. They told her he had changed for the better, the fact that he had realized his mistakes. She told me about everything. She was that open.

I started getting scared. If her family supported the ex then I didn’t have a chance but she calmed my spirits and told me to relax. Sophia, to me, was the best woman I felt would fit into my future life. I was ready to go the mile for her but the support for her ex got me scared. We dated for six months when she told me, “I think your fear isn’t helping the situation. If you think you can’t stand by me, it’s better we end it now than keep it going.”

I didn’t have the opportunity to say yes or no before she decided for herself that our relationship wasn’t worth it. She gave me attitude. She started missing my calls and didn’t respond to my text. When I asked her to be bold and tell me what she was thinking, she told me it was over. “You don’t make me feel like I’m doing the right thing. You’re too shaky for a man who wants a future with me.”

She called off the relationship and a month later, I realized she had gone back to her ex. It broke me to pieces, knowing it was her ex she went back to. The breakup didn’t hurt than the realization that she went back to her ex. Also, it made me feel I was right all along. It was like I prevented the inevitable from happening.

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Months later, she called to check up on me. That’s what she said but I think she called to apologize to me than to check up on me. Her conscience didn’t sit right with her. I told her I’d forgiven her long ago and also accepted part of the blame for the role I played in the whole situation. We forgave each other and started talking from time to time.

One afternoon she was in my neighborhood so she decided to pass by to say hi. Flickering embers of old love started flying before our eyes. By the time we realized, we were done and looking for our coverings. She said, “You see, the love I have for you is still fresh like the morning dew. I went back to him because of the situation but it’s you I love.”

It became a thing. From known lovers to secret lovers. We did it in the shadows, behind tree branches and behind the realms. Each time was different. It was like we never left. I loved her all over again so we started making plans.

Not long ago she called. She said, “I have clarity now. My ex is not who I want to be with. It’s you but it’s not force for you to accept me back in your life. I’ve left him. My family is in full support this time. They have seen him for who he truly is so they understand why I didn’t want to get back with him. When you’re ready for me, let’s talk. I will be here.”

After that conversation, she stopped seeing me. She cancelled every plan we made to meet. Our outings were cancelled. She stopped visiting me. She didn’t call until I called. When I asked what the issue was she told me, “I want us to go forward with clarity. I’m dropping the old while looking forward to a new beginning with you. When we start, we start afresh. If you don’t want to start again with me, that’s also fine but I don’t want to do something I don’t have clarity on.”

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I understand her point clearly. I love her very much and wouldn’t have a problem to begin again with her but I’m having trust issues. It’s the reason I’m tarrying. It’s the reason I have cold feet now. She cheated on me with her ex and later cheated on her ex with me. What’s the probability she won’t cheat when someone comes along?

That’s the question I’ve been struggling to answer. It’s the same question that’s making me drag my feet. Tell me something, do I have a reason to be scared?   

—Addo

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