The first time I went to an event with my husband who was then my fiance was thirteen years ago. He introduced me to his married female friend, and we exchanged pleasantries.
Two years later, my husband and I got married. Shortly after our marriage, he travelled to another region. Initially, I had to stay in Accra because of work, but eventually, l joined him. We have made such a beautiful family. I know there is no perfect marriage but our marriage is one that I was so proud of. People around us always complimented us whenever they saw us. They would tell us, “You two have built a very beautiful family. You are such an inspiration.” Our marriage had no pretence. We were just a peaceful and happy family.
A few years into our marriage, I saw my husband’s chat with the female friend he introduced me to. I considered the nature of their conversation to be inappropriate for people who were just friends. Because of this, I started monitoring their calls and chats. Everything showed that they were flirting with each other.
I didn’t want to sit back and let things happen right under my nose so I confronted my husband, and the woman as well. They swore there was nothing going on between them. Besides my suspicions that they were flirting, I couldn’t tell that there was anything else going on so I let it go, thinking I was the one who misunderstood them.
Later, I got to know that this same lady visited my mother-in-law with gifts. It didn’t make sense to me so I confronted my husband again. At this point, I was very convinced that something was going on between them. When I asked my mother-in-law about it, she said she didn’t know anything. The girl told my mother-in-law that it was my husband who sent the gifts through her. So the old woman had no clue what was going on.
I called this girl again and warned her to stay away from my husband. “If you don’t stop whatever it is you are doing, I will tell your husband about it,” I concluded. She told me, “Sis, you don’t have to worry. Your husband and I are just friends.” I wanted to believe her but my instincts told me that I couldn’t.
What makes me convinced that they are lying is that, my husband has travelled back to Accra twice in the past two years. The first time he travelled, I felt strongly that there was another woman in Accra waiting for him. He wouldn’t admit it, and I also didn’t have proof so I was stuck with my suspicions.
After fruitlessly worrying for so long, I finally decided to turn all my worries into prayers. I asked God to unveil any hidden affairs my husband is having and that he should disgrace all of them involved. In fact, I didn’t take these prayers lightly.
God being so good everything came to light four months ago. All my prayers were answered in the most unexpected way. It was the lady’s husband who found out about the affair and confronted my husband. He even went to the extent of reaching out to a member of my husband’s family to report the issue.
A lot of meetings have gone on between the lady’s husband and my husband’s family. So now the affair has become a family problem to be resolved. Now that they could no longer hide their actions, I reached out to the lady and expressed my displeasure at her behaviour. “You are a woman like me,” I said, “a married one too. So how can you in good conscience break another woman’s home just because you were having problems in your marriage? Someone like you should appreciate how difficult it is to build a peaceful marriage.”
After the confrontation, I went ahead and called her workplace and told her colleagues about how she broke my home. When she found out, she threatened to deal with me for disgracing her at her workplace.
As for my husband, the least said about him the better. The disappointment he has caused the family is unbelievable. As it stands now, the only thing on my mind is to divorce him and move on with my children.
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He says it was a mistake so I should forgive him but I have refused. His family is now pleading on his behalf. My fear is, even if I forgive him will I be able to love, and trust him again? Will our family recover from the betrayal?
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A lot is going on in my mind. I would have wished to move on and leave him but I’m concerned about my kids. They are young and very attached to their father. I don’t know if I can separate them from him. They can’t go a day without him.
I feel very torn. I know I can’t forgive and trust him after what he did. He takes good care of me and the kids but my heart is no longer with him. But I feel like if I leave him, I would be taking my kids away from their father. What do I do? Is it possible to trust someone after they’ve betrayed you like this?
—Lordina
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My dear you can trust someone who has broken your trust once. Only if he or she is sincere. Time alone can tell. As you took it to God in prayers take all your uncertainties to him. Your story is different atleast he has admitted he was wrong .He didn’t blame the devil. A true man admits when he is wrong ,he puts aside his ego . That alone is victory in disguise. Now it’s up to you to come out victorious by not letting him go for the other woman to win. She wanted to destroy your marriage but don’t let her by divorcing your husband. She came to shake your marriage. Take it as a test of time . Remember heavenly love forgives. It’s all in corinthians. If you don’t forgive your husband God will also no forgive you. Remember the Lords prayer . In this life if you don’t want any thing to be held against you, you must not hold anything against anyone. Take time don’t rush. It’s time for you to rebuild your marriage like the way Nehemiah rebuilt the walls of Jerusalem. Good luck. Don’t throw what God has given you away because of your impatience, unforgiven heart,pride. HEAVENLY LOVE IS HUMBLE ,IT DOES NOT BOAST. DRAW CLOSER TO GOD NOW MORE THAN EVER. LET HIM REIGHN IN YOUR MARRIAGE.
Is it possible to trust someone after they have betrayed you?
Answer1: Yes, it is possible but you need to talk and get transparent with each other again.
Answer 2 (lol one): But Ghanaians have trusted even politicians every 4 years since Dec 1991.
You are very very confrontational! You confront your husband, your mother in law and to the extent of going to the woman’s workplace to disgrace her? You come across as a very quarrelsome person! You pray to God that He should disgrace your husband? No man will be comfortable living with you. No wonder your husband gravitates towards his married friend. The blissful marriage was just your imagination. If you don’t mend your ways, you will never be successful in marriage even if you leave your husband!
Here you be bomb wati. And we’re still trusting them
Sometimes it is our own attitude that drives our spouse to others. You have to assess yourself and yes it is possible to forgive and trust your husband. For better for worse madam; the devil will use this phrase to test you, divorce is not a solution to a cheating. Be patient with your self and your husband. Best wishes
It’s funny how the men are quick to point out faults in her which according to them led to her husband gravitating towards another woman. My dear there is absolutely nothing wrong with you or your character if there is its your husbands duty to call your attention to it. I’m just glad your husband finally accepted and admitted his mistakes if you can forgive him if you can’t do what gives you peace. Never allow anyone let you feel you are the reason for another person’s mistake an adult for that matter. Karma will serve both of them at the right time. Marriage is not easy and keeping and running a peaceful home is a luxury that money can not buy. Stay safe and may you be guided.