Ajoah and I hit it off right from the very day we met at work. She has an easy-going personality and a warmth that easily drew me in. Naturally, I like people like her. I am talking about people who throw their heads back and laugh heartily. People who can strike up a conversation with a stranger as if they are old friends. I believe those kind people don’t get knocked down by life easily. Even when they do get thrown down, they are quick to rise up, shake off their misfortunes, and move as if they never fell in the first place. 

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Honestly, my interest in her was never romantic. It was just friendship and good vibes. I loved that conversations with her were easy. We would often laugh about mundane things. We even have inside jokes. This didn’t take away the respect we had for each other, though. 

Having her in my life felt so natural that I didn’t notice it when we started talking every day. When I did, I didn’t mind. I always enjoy talking to her, so we’ve been at it for two years now. All of it was friendship until things started changing recently.

The changes were subtle at first. The indirect statements aside, her actions also had a voice of their own. She would casually touch my arm when we are talking. Sometimes she would laugh so hard she would throw herself into my arms. If I was out with her and I admired something about another woman she would say, “I also have some of that. Don’t you see it?”

These were the kinds of things that told me Adjoah saw me differently. She wanted to be more than friends. I didn’t have any problems with it. After all, she has been an amazing friend to me. So I decided to see if we could be something more.

I didn’t propose a romantic relationship to her, I wanted to take things slowly. First, I took her out on a couple of dates. As it has always been with us, we had fun. We went to places that enabled us to have great conversations and good food. But there was nothing romantic about my experience with her. Maybe she felt the romance, I can’t tell. I just know I didn’t feel anything. 

One time we kissed. Even with that, I felt nothing amorous toward her. It was all still friendship.

Now Ajoah lives with her cousin, Afia. For all the time we’ve been friends, she has spoken about Afia now and then. She mentioned her in passing most of the time. Other times, I would hear her talking to Afia when I was on the phone with her. That’s how Afia became a faceless member of our friendship until Adjoah visited me at home for the first time.

That day she asked me, “Can we pick up my cousin? She is with her friend in your neighbourhood.” I said, “No problem. Let’s go and get her.”

When I saw Afia that day… I won’t lie, I was taken aback. Adjoah is beautiful, no doubt. But there was something about Afia that caught me completely off guard. It stirred up something inside me that I didn’t expect.

I thought it was one of those things, but I was wrong. I haven’t been able to shake her off since I met her. If anything, my feelings for her keep getting stronger and at a fast pace too. 

Now, we talk every day. In fact, we text almost every hour. I enjoy her energy and presence. Her vibe is unmatched. I don’t even know how to hide my feelings for her. It’s becoming obvious in the way I pay her small compliments.

I am not sure if my feelings are one-sided, but she usually laughs off my compliments. All her actions toward me have been friendly so far. Maybe she’s being careful. Or she’s just oblivious to my attempts to let her know that I want to be more than her friend. I don’t know.

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While I am trying to figure out Afia’s thoughts about me, I am very aware that Adjoah still has feelings for me. And though I never fully reciprocated them, I care about her deeply. I don’t want to hurt her feelings or ruin what we’ve built over the years.

I feel like it’s all complicated now. On one hand, I found someone my heart wants. She just happens to be related to someone who wants me. The part of me that wants to follow my heart is going out with Afia this weekend while her cousin is out of town. It was even Afia who picked the place.

I Was Fine Until I Was Alone In My Room


I am thinking of seizing the opportunity to be honest with her about how I feel. But the other part that doesn’t want to hurt two years of friendship with Ajoah wonders if it’s better to keep things as they are—friendship with both of them without any complications.

So here I am, caught between a rock and a hard place. If I get to be with Afia, Adjoah will be hurt. If I let Afia go, it is I who will be hurt? What do you advise I do? 

—Matthew

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