I’ve been friends with Princess since childhood. We once promised each other that we would remain virgins until marriage. Years later, she confided in me that she had fallen in love with a man. I was genuinely happy for her. They were together for about four years, during which she became pregnant.

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When she came to me in tears, heartbroken over breaking our promise, I comforted her and advised her to focus on building a future with her boyfriend.

She had to move to her boyfriend’s family’s house. While she was there she confided in me that he rarely visited her. When she gave birth through surgery, I couldn’t be there immediately because I had just gotten married, but I visited her afterwards. She even named her baby after me. That’s how close we are.

As time passed, their relationship became emotionally distant. Her boyfriend had a low sex drive and rarely initiated intimacy. She constantly had to beg for attention.

Also, she worked hard to take care of herself and support him whenever he was down. She even helped him start a business. When he collapsed the business, she was there picking up the pieces of his mess while keeping their family afloat. She did all this yet he never appreciated her.

Later, they moved to another town for his work. Princess struggled to find her footing but eventually got a job as a housekeeper. Can you believe she would give all her earnings to him? Then she would reach out to me for financial help. Even though I didn’t support her behaviour in the relationship, I always supported her financially without hesitation because I saw her as a sister.

Eventually, he lost that job, and things between them deteriorated when they returned to his family’s house. Though he found work again, most of the childcare fell on Princess. He offered little help. He withheld affection from her. She became emotionally drained.

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She started unwinding by watching pornography and eventually engaged in affairs with other men. By then they had broken up yet continued to live together. I thought she was doing well after things ended but during one of her visits, she broke down and confessed that she had slept with eight different men within four months of their breakup.

I advised her to move out. I sent her some money to start afresh, but she used the funds to start a food business instead. When he saw that she was doing well, he asked her for another chance, and they reconciled.

He doesn’t know about the other men and the secret is eating her up. She is tormented by guilt so she feels an overwhelming need to confess everything to him. Knowing how cold and detached he has been, I worry that such a confession might destroy what’s left of their relationship. I urged her to forgive herself and focus on her child instead of reopening old wounds. I am not sure she will listen.

Even though she has made progress and regained some stability, I still feel pain and helplessness watching how much this relationship has taken from her: emotionally, physically, and spiritually. She won’t leave so I feel she shouldn’t rock the boat. She should keep quiet about the eight men. Am I wrong?

—Ola

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