One day I was at the office when my colleague’s phone rang. The caller ID read; “Ama Cousin”. I called out to my colleague, “Eii Kweku, now you are saving your girlfriends’ names as your cousins.” Kweku laughed, “You can pick up and talk to her if you think your theory is right.” So I accepted the challenge and answered the call. After bombarding her with questions, I confirmed that Ama is indeed my colleague’s cousin. I enjoyed talking to her so I asked, “Can I take your number from Kweku so we talk later?”

She said yes and that made me happy.

When our friendship began she was in her final year at the university. She is not a very social person so it was difficult to break down her walls and get close to her. She used to leave my WhatsApp messages on read, but I was patient with her. I didn’t push too hard. I just went along with her flow and allowed her to get close to me on her own terms. Four months into our friendship, it happened. She started confiding in me about personal matters and sought my opinion on certain decisions. That was when I got to see how humble and compassionate she is. Her physical features were also something to drool over. Truth be told, Ama is every guy’s type. People say, you can’t have everything you want in one person, and that’s because they’ve not met Ama yet. To me, she has it all. Before I realized it, my heart was beating excitedly whenever she was near.

 Now, before I met Ama, I had dated and broken up with my ex. While I gave all my heart to the relationship, she was in it for fun. I wasn’t a bad boy like she wanted: I didn’t drink, smoke, or went around having casual shuperu with random girls. So she got bored with me and moved on to find someone else. She left my heart so broken to the point that I vowed never to love any girl again. And I stuck to that vow until Ama came along. It was so easy to fall in love with her. I remember the day I told her about my feelings. She told me, “You are a very good friend to me, and I don’t want to jeopardize that with a romantic relationship. I like how we are.” 

I was disappointed at first, but I was also determined to win her love at all costs. So another time, I proposed to her again and her answer remained the same. That didn’t stop me. I continued telling her, “Give me a chance, Ama. I promise to treat you right. I am not coming to play games with you.” It got to a point her reaction to my proposals was irritation. She would say, “I am tired of having the same conversation with you. Can’t we just remain friends? Don’t make me regret letting you get close to me.” I found her rejection very confusing because she was always telling me, “You are such a great guy. I am glad to have you in my life.” So why would she not want to be with me if I was such a great guy? 

She used to be scared of spending time alone with me because she thought I would take advantage of her. But I assured her that I wouldn’t. As time went on she started trusting me. She would visit me and spend the night at my place. And I never touched her inappropriately. My feelings for her grew bigger with time and she has become my joy. I feel proud whenever I go out with her.

Eventually, I got to meet the rest of her family. I thought that if her parents liked me, they might sway her in my direction. And it happened that they liked me and welcomed me as one of them. They treated me like a son and only that. Her mother especially liked me very much but I could tell from her body language that she didn’t want me dating Ama. Occasionally, I caught snippets of their conversations about me. “Ama, he is a nice young man but he is not the one for you. He is now starting out in life. You need to find someone who has already made it.” I overheard her mother say one day. 

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It hurt me to know that even though I am financially stable, I will never be enough for the girl I loved. I accepted my place in her life as just a friend and did my best to move on from her while remaining her friend. It was not an easy thing to do. As I was making progress with my healing, Ama was giving me confusing signals. Whenever I mentioned another lady in conversation, she would act jealous and angry. We would be talking on the phone and I’d say, “I met a nice girl today. I took her number so I could get to know her.” And she would get angry and hang up on me. Meanwhile, she talks to me about boys in her life. She even talks about her ex with a lot of passion. 

Recently, she is a getting close to a certain guy. And from the look of things, that guy is not serious about her. I am a guy so I know the codes. I haven’t spoken to the guy yet but from everything she has told me about him, I know that he just wants to eat. Unfortunately, Ama is smitten with this guy. I am no longer interested in her romantically but I still care about her. I don’t want to see her get hurt but I also don’t know to go about this. If I don’t handle it well, she might think I am jealous and then go ahead to date the guy. She used to give me full access to her phone but because of this guy, she has stopped. She spends less time with me than she used to. I feel her pulling away from me and it’s all because of this new guy who isn’t even genuine. 

I am seeking counsel from the readers on this platform. Please should I go ahead and warn her about the guy? Or I should let her find out for herself? I am also wondering why she is okay fraternizing with other guys but she gets jealous when I try to get close to other ladies. I have also been thinking about ending my friendship with her but I’m wondering if it’s right to do so because I promised to always be there for her.

—Yeboah

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