There is a certain girl that I fellowship with within the same church. At first, we weren’t that close. But it came to a time when I was no longer seeing her in church. I was concerned so I texted her asking what the problem was. She told me that she now lives in the mountains. “It’s difficult for me to make the trip from the mountains to East Legon for church. I don’t have enough money to do that,” she explained.
I was interested in her Christian life, so I decided to make a way for her to come to church. I spoke about her to one of my friends who happens to come to church every week from the mountains. They bus some of our members from the mountains to church every Sunday, so I told him to make her join the bus and come to church. Thankfully, it worked. She now comes to church every Sunday with the bus.
As time went on, we got closer. It got to a point where there was no day that we didn’t text each other. It was all about friendship for me until my friend pointed out that there could be more between us. I told my friend that I would think about it and pray about it too.
Since then, I started thinking about what my friend said. She was a cool and quiet girl who could make a good wife one day. So we became closer as the days went by. We even went to engagements and weddings together. I felt I was making all the right moves and she was responding well.
The next thing I did was to talk to my pastor about her. I told my pastor that I like her and I would like to be her beloved and marry her one day. My pastor then sat her down and asked her some questions about me. He said she gave him answers that were in my favour. He encouraged me to go ahead and propose love to her.
I became more confident that we would end up together one day. I wanted to know her more so we continued our friendship. I felt it was too early to bare my heart to her. Everything was okay until she pulled a prank on me. She was trying to scare me and it worked. So I responded by pinching her cheeks.
She got very angry with me to the point that she accused me of slapping her. She even reported me to my pastor. I apologized for that but she still uses it against me. There was another time that I told her that I spoke with my mom about her. By then she knew I liked her. She became furious. She shouted, “Why did you go about telling your friends and family about us? You are supposed to tell only your pastors and I will also tell my pastors. Rather, you went about telling people about us when you don’t even know whether I like you or not.”
After the last statement, I was struck. I kept asking myself, “Does it mean this girl doesn’t like me or what?” Because I was troubled, I called her one day to confirm if she also liked me or not. When I asked her she said, “I’m sorry for that statement. I didn’t mean to sound that way.” I told her that I had forgiven her for the statement but I still wanted to know if she liked me or not.
She shrugged, “I can’t tell. I am still traumatized by the way you pinched my cheek.” She said she was afraid that it would happen again. I told her that I was sorry for all that happened in the past. And I promised her that it would never happen again. She should forgive me and tell me if she likes me or not. “Okay. I will give you an answer when we meet in church,” she responded.
On Sunday when I asked her, she told me that she forgot to think about the question and that I was putting pressure on her. Then she asked for more time to think about it. So I didn’t call or text her to give her space to think about the question. She also didn’t text or call me.
When we went to church on Sunday, I made my pastor sit her down and ask her what her decision was. She rather complained that I don’t call or text her. My pastor asked her why she also didn’t call or text me. She said her phone got spoilt and she doesn’t have my number in her head to call. Whereas, I can mention her number without searching my phone.
We were not dating officially yet she told my pastor that she wanted us to end everything. When my pastor asked her why, she started pointing back to my flaws in the past. She also said that we argue a lot, which is not true. Anytime an issue comes up, she doesn’t want me to address it. When I start to address it she will say we are arguing. She just wants to find an excuse for us to quit.
That Sunday when I was told the news, I couldn’t hold it. I was so heartbroken. I really liked this girl. I had good plans for us. I remember calling her to confirm for myself if she didn’t want me anymore. “Please tell me you’ve changed your mind. I really want us to work.” She just said she would call me back. I waited for the call but it never came.
I don’t know what to tell her to convince her that I love her so she should consider me. Am I really the problem here?
I’m really worried for her because she is 26. Her father is expecting a man to come and ask for her hand in marriage but it looks like she is unbothered. I don’t know why she is using those mistakes against me. She too has offended me in many ways but I am not holding on to any of them.
There was a time she asked me to allow her brother to stay with me because he couldn’t get a room on campus. He is now entering level 200. I told her that because of my relationship with her, I could not accommodate her brother. She didn’t understand me. I don’t know if that’s the reason for the breakup or if she just doesn’t like me.
He Says He Can’t Date Me Because I’m Too Beautiful
Now I don’t call or text her anymore. When I see her at church I don’t feel like talking to her so look in a different direction. Last Sunday, she sent one of my friends to tell me that we are not enemies so when I see her I should talk to her. She has a point but my pastor told me to cut off every form of communication with her so I can concentrate on my life.
He even advised me to delete her number because she was not serious for using those excuses. But I find it difficult to do that. You see, I still like her. If she sees me and wants to talk to me she can do that, but I will not be the first to engage her. She recently texted me, “Please help me repair my phone.” In the past, I would have run to her rescue. But this time, I didn’t mind her. I’m trying to move on but it’s hard. Please I need to know if all this was indeed my fault.
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—Richmond
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Agoro wo w’eni so paa oo
Don’t worry yourself on this matter. Don’t even think of marrying her it won’t end well. She is not jovial, bear grudges and won’t allow you to express your self. She wants things her way is a dead give away that she is not right for you. You haven’t even proposed and she ended it with you . How much more marriage. Get some one who won’t waste your time and knows what she wants. I believe its time you notice she is using you . Don’t treat her as an enemy but just as an acquaintance. Move on and let time do its work.
My guy, she has every right to end things with you? Do you always need your pastor as a betweener??? You lack confidence, ladies don’t like such
Haaba, my thoughts exactly. Man up otherwise no woman will take you seriously.
You are the biggest problem. What is this, you haven’t even proposed to her and you taking her to your pastor, telling your mother about her etc. Believe me, she’s tired of your jokes.
I thought you two are church members so why won’t you talk to her. What happened to the Bible’s teaching on forgiveness.
It looks like your who life is about your pastor. You be there and let your pastor tell you who to marry and who not to marry. Who told your pastor to marry his wife. You don’t have an issue with God, so go to him direct.
You need to be a MAN and make certain decisions on your own without entertaining 3rd party or people. I like your pastor cos he nailed it. Stop thinking bout her(though it’s gonna be a bit difficult but you can do it) delete her contact and pictures off your phone so you can concentrate on you and your life. I’ve been in this kinda situation before. I was begging someone for the bare minimum, begging someone who was living her best life with diff guys and already ditched me. Bro, you can heal and move on without her. She never truly liked you cos she’s got someone before she met you or after she met you. You didn’t do anything wrong atall. No one deserves this type of treatment. I can tell you for free, she’ll probably come back after the guy she tried to replace you with mess her up but don’t ever take her back. You’ll regret it if you do.
You need to be a MAN and make certain decisions on your own without entertaining 3rd party or people. I like your pastor cos he nailed it. Stop thinking bout her(though it’s gonna be a bit difficult but you can do it) delete her contact and pictures off your phone so you can concentrate on you and your life. I’ve been in this kinda situation before. I was begging someone for the bare minimum, begging someone who was living her best life with diff guys and already ditched me. Bro, you can heal and move on without her. She never truly liked you cos she’s got someone before she met you or after she met you. You didn’t do anything wrong atall. No one deserves this type of treatment. I can tell you for free, she’ll probably come back after the guy she tried to replace you with mess her up but don’t ever take her back. You’ll regret it if you do.
Richmond, your story is a rollercoaster of emotions, misunderstandings, and unspoken feelings.
First and foremost, it’s essential to acknowledge that relationships can be intricate, often filled with miscommunications and misunderstandings. The ups and downs, the arguments, and the attempts to make things work are all part of the journey. So, take a deep breath and remember that you’re not alone in dealing with relationship challenges.
Self-Reflection: It’s important to reflect on your past actions and how they may have contributed to the current situation. While the issues might not be entirely your fault, recognizing where improvements can be made is a valuable step.
Communication: The key to resolving misunderstandings is open and honest communication. Try to find a calm and appropriate time to sit down with her and have a candid conversation. Share your feelings, but also listen to hers. It’s crucial to create a safe space where both of you can express your concerns without judgment.
Patience: In any relationship, whether it’s a budding one or a long-standing commitment, patience is vital. It seems like there were misunderstandings and miscommunications on both sides. Give each other time and space to work through these issues.
Understanding Her Perspective: Attempt to understand her point of view and her reasons for hesitation. She might have her own fears and insecurities that you’re unaware of. By empathizing with her perspective, you can build a foundation of trust.
Respect Her Decision: It’s crucial to respect her choice, even if it’s not what you hoped for. Love can’t be forced, and if she feels uncomfortable or uncertain about the relationship, it’s essential to acknowledge and respect her feelings.
Let Go and Move Forward: If, after an open conversation and time for reflection, she decides to end the relationship, it’s important to honor her decision. As difficult as it may be, try to let go and focus on your own personal growth and happiness.
Support from Friends and Family: Seek support from friends and family members who can provide a listening ear, advice, and comfort during challenging times.
Remember, Richmond, it’s not just about fault; it’s about growth and self-discovery. The lessons you’ve learned from this experience will shape your future relationships. In the end, the most important thing is your happiness and well-being. Whether you find a way back to her or embark on a new journey, trust that everything happens for a reason, and there’s a brighter future awaiting you.
-Atieno-