Agyeiwaa was twenty-two when we started dating. She was young and pretty. I was young too but not younger. I had started working and living on my own. She came home often to turn my room around. “Put this here, is pretty there.” “Don’t leave these things here after using them. It doesn’t speak well of you.” She was just twenty-two but she came with organizational skills I loved to have in a woman. She was bold and came across as someone you couldn’t bully into submission.
When our love started, I wanted to explore everything that made us lovers. I wanted to consume the consumables and save what ought to be saved. Anytime I tried intimacy, she pushed me away. She said she wasn’t ready. Several months later, she changed the tune; “I don’t want to do it because I haven’t done it before.”
I tried for a year. She kept saying no. I settled for what she could give me and looked towards the future with hope. I knew I was going to get it because she was the woman I was going to marry. We talked about it often. I was only waiting for her to complete school and get her life together so we could marry.
Before Agyeiwaa could complete school, I had a new job outside town and left. I left the town but didn’t leave the relationship. We kept it going. I played my part as a loving boyfriend and she played her part as a woman looking forward to being with me in the long haul. She visited once or twice a month. When I had the time, I also visited her in school.
Things started changing when she got to her final year. I won’t say the fault belongs to her. It might as well belong to me because both of us stopped trying. I don’t know when I stopped calling or when she stopped texting. The days went by slowly, stealing our relationship along.
I remember the last conversation we had, I asked what happened. She answered, “You stopped trying and I stopped pushing myself on you. The distance was the problem.”
We both let go eventually. We allowed time and space to come between a three-year relationship.
When she was gone, I found someone else. It didn’t work. I don’t know what she was looking for from me but she always complained I was giving her a half of me. I wasn’t. I was fully in and loving her the best way I could. She didn’t feel the love. We argued often. The argument got more intense day by day. One day, she went out of the door and never came back. We dated for a year. She was Gladys.
After Gladys came Alberta. That relationship didn’t last a year. She was over-possessive and insecure. I couldn’t talk to my mom on the phone without her asking, “Is that my rival?”
“It’s my mom! What has come over you?”
“Let me see if it’s your mom. You think you can lie to me and go scot-free?”
I went scot-free one day and didn’t look back. She came with bountiful apologies. I wasn’t sure she was healed of her insecurities so I humbly asked her to let it go.
One evening Agyeiwaa called. We hadn’t been talking for over two years. We occasionally said hi to each other but that was all. When I picked up the call she told me, “Guess what, I’m in town. I got a job here. I moved in a week ago. I thought I should hit you up so you know before we bump into each other one day.”
The next day, I went to her place to see her. Before I entered her room she said, “Take your shoes off. You of all people should know I won’t let you in with your shoes on.” Some things never change. That’s Agyeiwa for you. We talked all evening. When she was going to see me off, we stood in the middle of the road and talked for over an hour. We wanted to recover the lost years in a night.
When I got home that night, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I left her a girl and she came back a woman. That night, I realized I didn’t stop loving her. I buried the feelings alive so while we were talking, everything started coming back to me.
A week later, she came to see my place. She put the place together as she walked around. She didn’t think about it. She just did it. Even as we were talking, she was looking around for something to fix. Some things never change.
I told her I wanted her in my life again. She asked if I was sure. “I’m as sure as the sun will come up tomorrow. Let’s blame it on the distance and start again.” She told me, “I’m not the same Agyeiwa you used to know ooo. I’m different. I grew older so my demons grew wings.”
I didn’t understand what she was saying. Demons and wings? We all have them so it’s normal. I pushed until she said yes to a comeback.
She was with me one night when she asked what happened to me while we were apart. I told her about Gladys and the incessant fights. I told her about Alberta and her insecurities. “They didn’t work because we had to come back together, I guess. It was written in our stars.”
I asked her the same question and she was blunt about her escapades. “I met George. It didn’t last for four months mpo. Eric came along. He was cheating. And then Kobby, one stingy guy. He took my phone for repairs and sold it. It was tough out there but hey, it’s part of growth.”
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We had been together for over a month. I didn’t make a move on her once because some things never change. I didn’t want her to push me away. I didn’t want her to think I came back because of sex. I was taking my time but that night when she was talking about her exes, I said, “Guys usually act like that when they don’t get what they want from you. It’s not easy to have a guy who’ll agree not to be intimate with you until marriage ooo.”
“George broke my virginity.”
“George? The guy who didn’t last over four months? Did he force you?”
“No, he didn’t. I guess I loved him too much.”
“So all the guys also did it?”
“I don’t want to talk about them. It’s past and gone. If you stayed, all these wouldn’t have happened.”
I felt cheated. She continuously said no to me for three years, but someone had it in less than four months? What did he do that I wasn’t doing?
We are still dating. We are in our fourth month but honestly, I don’t feel anything for her. If I knew then what I know now, things would have been different. I’m with her because I don’t know how to let her go the second time or maybe I think I’ll get over it and love her again someday.
I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It
She’s ordinary now. She does her best, she treats me well, always bubbly around me but I’m the one pretending. I’m trying to love her the way I used to but it’s hard to love this new Agyeiwaa. Something has been taken away from her—something precious. And it’s all the more painful because for three years, she said no to me only to give it to someone who wasn’t worth it in less than four months.
How do I get the love back? I mean the love I once had for her. How long before I tell myself, “I’ll never love her again so I should let her go?” I want to call for a separation for a while and see if I can regroup and come back again but I’m scared she might take it the wrong way and hate me. I’m confused. How do I resolve this issue?
—Brew
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It will only take the grace of God to forgive and forget. But it can happen. If she tick ✅ all your wishes as your woman. Forgive and forget, the both of you made mistakes, you have known her for long, she’s better than the one you don’t know.
Mmhhhhh! This is a difficult one. I don’t think I can be with her anymore if I were in your shoes🙄to be honest, I can’t deal with the thought of George and the rest.
My dear value her as a woman. If you plan to marry her then it’s her as a person that you are marrying and not her virginity. I have read stories here on silent beads about some people marrying supposed angels here and regretting it later. Give yourself an opportunity to love her again and you will be happy. Some people meet their soulmates once in a lifetime. She might or might not be. Don’t push her away because of her lack of hymen you might regret it later.
Brew, it’s all in your head. It’s the same Agyeiwaa, except she grew up, like everybody else, and George happened to be around when she got to the point where she wanted to try sex. It’s not as if she left you for him? Please grow up, and stop this childish comparisons.
GEORGE NIE
This might be tough for you as a man but this is how best to address this issue. Search within yourself what makes you love her, is it tangible enough to make you want to stay with her?, isn’t worth more then her virginity?.
She might have been intimate with George due to circumstances maybe she can help but even still live with the guilt. You would have to talk to her. You both need to be honest with each other, let her know about how you feel cheated in all these and see how positive she makes you turn this negative issue in your relationship to growth and maturity. I believe this is how best you can start to forgive her and even love her the most. At least, she has been honest to tell you the first time this chat came up. Virginity although being of great honour, it in itself doesn’t have the ability to sustain a relationship or make a woman who she is. But then, if you still feel cheated and bothered about it all better to end it than keep her knowing it will surely not lead anywhere.
You feel.cheated not because the other guy got it, it’s because she said ‘I guess I loved him too much’ that’s what broke your heart. Now you feel she doesn’t love you that enough. So ask her if she loves you enough… and why she made you think otherwise and talk about how you feel and the face that you feel cheated
Almost everything everyone has written is ok but let me tell you something you will never forget about George; he will always be in your subconsciousness. If you can deal with it fine if not don’t you bother going on. This is the reason I keep telling people DO NOT BE ASKING YOUR WOMAN OR MAN THEIR PAST. YOU WILL BE HURT. She may have matured and become a better woman but the George would be thorn in your brain all your years…Good luck
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Bro. Just let her go. She’s only with you because George didn’t want her anymore even after depriving you of intimacy for 3 years and giving it up to him on a silver platter damn. She doesn’t really find you attractive enough. To her you’re just a good man worth spending her life with if she doesn’t get anyone else
Quit the relationship, It wont work.
I know how youre feeling
All those talking trash here saying you should fall in love with her and not her virginity dont even know what their saying. Leave that disgusting piece of sh!t.
She will never respect you if you make the mistake of marrying her
Let her go and be with someone who will find her already broken
You met her a virgin yet she loved someone so much and gave herself to the person
She will never love you so much!
I feel your pain. You toiled for three years and could not hit gold and someone used 4 months to even access the last pit of the mine. You have two options, truelly forgive her and build a permanent relationship with her or get your gold too and let her go.
i think she likes you but not sexually attracted to you, have you been intimate with her ever since you got back together and what’s her approach or demeanor towards being intimate with you.
I think that should give you your next set of actions.
NEVER MARRY A WOMAN WHO IS NOT SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO YOU