She Called Me Mom When I Needed My Own Child

One day, I found myself in a car with a two-year-old child who wasn’t mine. I barely knew her mother but that day her mother said to me, “If she won’t come back to me then you can take her home. I’m even tired of carrying her around.”

I carried her in my arms and pretended I was leaving with her. I thought she would cry when I made a move with her but she didn’t. Instead, she clung to me and held me by the neck as if to say, “I’m OK wherever you’ll take me. Carry me away.”

So I left the salon to my house with a baby who didn’t know about my existence a couple of hours prior. I looked at her and wondered: What does it take to make a baby like this? What am I doing wrong that I’ve struggled to have one for myself?”

I had married for over six years but had nothing to show for all the sex I’d had with my husband over the six years. My husband had gone into various facilities where he had to masturbate so they could get his sperm for assessment. One day he told me, “Today I did everything but the sperm wouldn’t come so I came home with the container. I have to do it with you before I can get something to send to them.

You could see the frustration in his eyes as he spoke about the experience. The next hour when he was leaving with the container he said, “This would be the last time I’m doing this. I’m tired of working it out with myself and I’m tired of paying money that yields no results.”

We had an issue. According to the doctors, it was due to that issue that we couldn’t give birth. They told us it could be solved but after paying for the drugs and using them the way they prescribed it, nothing happened. We moved from one facility to another facility looking for who could solve our problem for us.

The girl called me “Mommy” and the feeling I had couldn’t be described. I drew closer to her. I said, “Yes dear, what do you want?” She answered, “I’m hungry.” The innocence with which she said it got me enchanted. I answered, “We will get home very soon and I’ll cook something for you OK?”

She nodded and coiled into my arms and slept away. For a while, I experienced what it felt like to be a mother and I didn’t want the feeling to fade away. I’d carried a child before. I’ve taken care of several of them. I didn’t think much of them until I found myself in a situation where I needed one for myself. I stayed with this girl until my husband came home. He teased, “You’ve stolen a baby? But this one is too old? She would find her way back home if you leave her. You should have stolen a day-old one.”

I told him the story of how her mother gave her to me at the salon and he laughed. “What did you do to the mother that she trusted you this much?” I didn’t do much but she figured through my actions that I was in love with her daughter and she knew where I lived so she didn’t sense any danger with me. In the evening she called to ask how she was doing and I told her she was sleeping. She came around to pick her up and thanked me profusely. “I’ve been able to accomplish a lot since you took her away. Now that she had found a new mother, I’ll bring her to you often.”

She was a single mother. According to her, when she got pregnant, the man asked her to abort it and she didn’t. I asked why he made such a request and she answered, “He’s a married man. We were just having fun and it happened.”

They have a baby together but they are keeping it a secret. Just look at the contrast—They were having fun and it resulted in a baby. I’d been serious with my husband but had nothing to show for our seriousness. The baby was unwanted but she came anyway. We wanted one but had none. They were hiding her, meanwhile, we were looking for one we would show to the whole wide world and say, “Look at this baby, we made her.”

Children are a blessing from God but that day I wondered why God chooses the wrong people to bless them with kids. Those people don’t struggle. They could be sleeping under trees and finding it hard to feed but once they do it, bam! God blesses them with a child. It could even be an illegitimate affair like what my friend had but God will still bless them with a child. And there is us. I’m not saying we are more deserving than others. I’m saying we’ve done everything according to his will, yet he turns his face away from us.

When she left with her daughter, a piece of me died. All of a sudden, I missed being called a mom. I missed her tiny voice that never rested. I missed the way she clung to me. I missed her innocence. I missed the babyish fragrance she carried with her. I told my husband, “We should adopt one. These guys are cute.” He answered, “It still wouldn’t fill the emptiness we feel in our hearts. People won’t stop talking and forever, that baby would be a child we adopted. Patience. We are still young. Ours will come.”

He was forty and I was thirty-five. We were not young. Our youth was slipping by like water in cupped hands yet we couldn’t do anything about it. We were mostly sad but pretending that everything was fine with us.

One day he went home to see his parents and they had a word with him. It wasn’t a new thing but I guessed that day, they talked to him with all the seriousness they could muster; “If you tell us you don’t want a child, we’ll leave you alone but if you want a child, then leave your wife. You both deserve a break. Marry a woman who can take seed for you and allow her to also marry a man who can get her pregnant. Who knows, each of you can find freedom apart but you’re here wasting your time on each other. It’s been years, Kofi.”

READ ALSO: We Started Having Problems After He Found Out I Was Not A Virgin

My parents had also told me the same thing and he was aware of it. The love we had for each other wouldn’t let us go our separate ways. We needed a child, yes but that wasn’t the most important thing in our union. We found companionship in each other. Both of us came from bad relationships but once we found each other, we found peace we never saw anywhere. The world was harsh to our situation. They pushed it on us and made us think about it every day but each time we were in each other’s company, there was peace. There was harmony. The two of us belong to each other. It was the reason we couldn’t think of settling with other people.

That child’s mother made me a godmother to her daughter. When she faced any challenge, she came to me. So I paid her fees when she didn’t have money. I bought her food when things became rough for her. When she needed a refuge for her daughter so she could go somewhere, she brought her to me. We spent weekends together. We spent vacations together. On her fourth birthday, I went to her school and celebrated with her. She called me mom so I did what I would have done for my daughter if I had one.

My menses delayed one day but I didn’t make much of it because it had happened a lot of times. I wasn’t thinking of it when it delayed so at some point I forgot I hadn’t had my period for the month until I started feeling weak. It felt like I was having malaria. I got tired easily. Even eating made me tired. One night I couldn’t sleep. I was sweating but the room was very cold. I kept tossing and turning until my husband asked what was wrong with me. I jokingly said, “Maybe I’m pregnant.” He chuckled and continued sleeping. He couldn’t believe the miracle he was praying for could actually come true.

We celebrated our son’s first birthday in March this year. We named him Miracle in our local language because he had been the miracle we had waited for over nine years. He has changed the dynamics of our marriage completely—he brings confidence, calm and courage to face those who thought it was not possible. We feel lighter—like a burden is off our backs. We talk confidently and walk with springs under our soles. We feel like we can fly. And that little girl who made me experience how it feels to be a mother lives with us now.

How Do I Spend Eternity With A Man Like This? | Beads Media

She’s also our child, unofficially adopted because life is throwing her mother up and down. We are keeping her with us until her mother finds balance. She’s still a secret child. She doesn’t know her father and her father had not seen her since she was born but she finds fatherhood in my husband. He treats her like our first child, after all, she was the first to make us feel like parents.

It may be long but it’s still possible. Those going through a period of childlessness, don’t be scared. Remain calm. Problems come and go so one day, this one too will leave you and you’ll find happiness again. Just stay steadfast because he answers prayers, not according to our time but in his own time.

–Amenuvenu