I read a story on your page about a man who begs his wife and pays before he gets intimacy. It is something that happens in some marriages, and I was once in such a marriage.

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She was a virgin when I met her. When we dated, we had no intimacy. It was one of my promises to her that I was not going to touch her. After all, it was going to be mine to enjoy, so there was no need to rush. We had a wedding; it was joyful. I was happy; she was happy. Then night came and everyone left us, and we also packed our bags for our honeymoon. The day I had been joyfully waiting for, so to say.

On the honeymoon, no action took place. I didn’t see the heaven gate. It was just having fun and sleeping and looking at each other with love and grace. And when we returned home, I still didn’t see the promised land until four months later. Four good months later before I could break her. I was experiencing what they call ‘what I ordered versus what I got,’ because when she promised a fun life filled with intimacy, this is not what I was expecting.

See, I am not an intimacy addict. But you should see her. My ex has a very seductive body and shape, small waist with big round nyash and portable standing breasts. I am a man, I couldn’t stand seeing her every day without wanting some. Sometimes, I had to beg her for weeks before she would allow me to touch her, and that one had to be fast fast, finished before she blinked. Otherwise, it was either that she was tired from work or not in the mood.

I was not happy with how our marital bed was going. I was tired, drained. So I told her elder sister’s husband, who is a pastor, to talk to her. I also spoke to her about my displeasure with how she acted and reacted when I wanted us to have intimacy. The response she gave me is that she doesn’t feel like having it, and she sometimes gets scared, but if I feel I cannot control myself, she gave me the go-ahead. I could get a side chick, and that was my own cup of tea.

In the sixth year of our marriage, we visited a gynecologist because at that time we still had no child. The gynecologist encouraged her to have more intimacy with me if she wanted a child, especially on her ovulation date, continually, and we could hope to conceive soon. That day, I left the office a happy man. I rejoiced that day and thanked the doctor.

After that, we tried but lost it, and I lost my wife too. She didn’t die. She just returned to her shell again, quiet, moving around the house like a ghost who was mourning. I did all the house chores and provided for the family. I provided for her, watching her like a hawk so that she didn’t try anything crazy. I respected her, and you would always see us together. So many people were jealous of our marriage and wished to have one like ours, but they never knew how unpleasant it was inside.

I was thinking one day when I remembered that my wife gave me permission to cheat. In her words, “it is your own cup of tea.” So I went in for one. I didn’t just go for just any. I wanted a mistress who understood me and knew what I wanted, and in return I took care of her as well. I was intentional when it came to me cheating. I made sure she saw the trails I left behind. The kiss on the collar of my shirt, the condoms, the messages, and how I saved her name. When I received a call at midnight, it was not Kweku the repairman that was calling. She knew who it was.

I think she was tired of it, so one day she decided to confront me about it. She cried about it and told me I was hurting her and I was breaking her heart. But she too was breaking my heart and starving me. Life isn’t all about sex, but come on, she was starving me. Her denial of intimacy was too much, and she promised to change.

While she was on her ‘new me’ resolutions, I was also on my mistress. I rented an apartment and furnished it for my mistress and gave her money to do a business. Then I told her I wanted my marriage to work, so I would have to leave. It was my parting gift to her.

Amazingly, my wife changed. She was initiating intimacy, and for the first time in eight years of marriage, my wife started to change positions for me. All glory to God. I would wake up a happy man and go to work with a smile. Everything was fine in my marriage for the first time in eight years. Then she fell pregnant, and we had a beautiful baby. Our intimacy life was getting better, plus a baby—what more could I ask for?

When the baby was about nine months old, my wife requested a divorce. I laughed at it. She was joking, of course. What is wrong with her? We were finally in a good place; what did she mean by divorce? I hoped that she was joking, but she was not. When my daughter turned one year old, she left and packed her goods to her mum’s house with my child, and her family brought my drink with the Bible and ring back to me. It was then I knew that she was, in fact, not joking with me.

My ex-wife got married to her job. Maybe she heard one of those women say that your job is more important than staying with a man. I still don’t know what happened to her, truly. She was always busy at work and never had time to cater to me and to our child.

Right now, as I am saying this, our child is staying with her aunty, my wife’s sister, because of my wife’s unavailability. And I have told them I will come for my child when she turns eight. She is seven now, and I am always in her life. I make sure of that.

So you see, some women don’t like intimacy but choose to marry anyway. My ex-wife never cheated on me, but in a way, she left me long before she actually did.

Marriage Through the Eyes of Millennials and Gen-Z

I learnt she is now dating someone and will get married soon. When I heard, I sent her a text. I told her to perform her wifely duties this time around. I said it just like that. Maybe it was harsh, but it’s how I feel. She has a second chance now, and I hope she gets it right.

-Elolo

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