If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.
First, I want to state that I was too busy trying to keep things running at home to spread false rumors about my brother. I never accused him of stressing our mother to the point of her death either. The only person I blamed was my father. That was even something I said in anguish. Whatever troubles he had at church had nothing to do with me. He said he has a prophetic calling but we don’t do prophesy in our church so it caused problems for him. I want to believe that was why he left. Now, this is my version of events preceding and after our parents’ demise.
When I read my brother’s story, I was disturbed. I had no intention of publishing my side of the story because I don’t want to cause him any more hurt than he is going through. However, this is not the first time something like this is happening. Ever since my friend, Nii, helped me get a driving job at his workplace and I had to leave Ghana to take the job, I have been hearing stories. People who know us have called me asking, “Why did you ruin your brother’s life?”
Everyone who asked this question didn’t get to hear my version of events. That’s because I chose not to say anything. Looking at the number of people who contacted me, I would have exhausted myself if I had to explain myself to every one of them. Hopefully, when I do that here, my brother will understand that everything I did was for the good of our family.
I was in Brong Ahafi Region doing my national service when my mum fell ill. This was in 2016. She told Barnabas not to tell me she wasn’t well so he didn’t. I spent my time there unaware that my mum was unwell. It was when I came home for my grandma’s funeral in December that I saw her. She didn’t look good. I asked what was wrong with her but she said, “You are far away from home so I don’t want to worry you. When you come home in March, I will tell you everything.” Our batch had six more months added to our service so I was set to finish in March 2017.
In February, I got the news that she had passed. I was shocked. I didn’t know what killed her because nobody had told me she was sick. Even when I saw her, she wouldn’t admit she was sick. My mother and I were very close so I was in a lot of pain. In my anguish, I blamed my father for not taking good care of her. I felt they allowed her to die because I wasn’t present. If you’ve ever lost someone close to you before, you will understand my pain. There is this feeling that descends on you as if you have the power to keep your loved one alive. That was how I felt when I got the news.
As Barnabas said, my dad fell ill after my mother’s burial. I was home by then. He was completely broken down. I had to feed him, carry him to the bathroom to bathe him, and give him all the care you give to a person who can’t do anything for themselves. It was during that time that my brother became busier than everyone else. So I was solely responsible for my father’s care. I did my best but it got to a time when the stress was getting to me. I told Barnabas to pitch in and help but he always had something to do. Today he is here. Tomorrow he is there. Nobody knew what was keeping him away.
When my father’s illness became critical, he was admitted to the hospital. I was by his side the entire time, sleeping in the hospital and all. Through all this, my brother was nowhere to be found. It didn’t make sense that he was in Accra while our dad was at a hospital in Accra yet he wouldn’t visit. Even if you are so busy, what about weekends? The one question I kept asking was, if this is how you are behaving toward our sick father, then what did you do to help our mother when she was also sick? I had to talk to him several times before he finally showed up after our dad had been in the hospital for a month. Sadly, that was the day we lost him.
The entire time our dad was sick, I was the one paying his hospital bills and buying medication. I was unemployed so where did the money come from? Loans. I was sure my dad would recover and then help me pay off the loans but things didn’t end that way. So not only did I lose both my parents in 2017, but I was deep in debt.
After his burial, I had to get a lawyer to work out his administration. He didn’t leave a will so getting money from his account wasn’t easy. We had to go to court. All of that also cost money. Lest I forget, after our dad passed, we had some relatives coming to stay with us, each for a number of days. Feeding them and making them comfortable was my responsibility. So when my dad’s money was released from his account, I didn’t sit down and eat the money. I used it to take care of the debts I incurred and also to take care of the home. Although I didn’t give Barnabas physical money, he benefited from that money too.
My dad had three kids before he met my mum and my mother also walked into their marriage with a child. So we are seven in number. After the dust settled, I received a court summons. My half-sister from my father’s side assumed I had hoarded all my dad’s properties for myself. I hadn’t even touched anything. The court said because my mum passed first, all her properties automatically belonged to our father. So the house was divided in two. My father’s other children took one part and the rest was divided between me, Barnabas, and our younger sister.
As for my father’s pickup. It was an ancient car that nobody had use for. Some of the parts even needed to be replaced. When things became hard, I didn’t touch it. Rather, I got a job as an Uber driver and used the money to take care of me and my siblings.
When my younger sister’s results were released, I suggested she go to nursing school but she wanted to pursue pharmacy. I bought KNUST forms for her but unfortunately, she didn’t get in. So she finally agreed to try nursing school. She applied and gained admission. We didn’t have help coming from anywhere. It was my responsibility to make sure we all do well. Once again, I took some loans to pay our sister’s tuition fees. I also suggested to Barnabas, “Since you are already into teaching, why don’t you apply to training college so you can get a professional qualification to teach.” He said I was looking down on him for suggesting such a thing. His dream was to go to law school.
I didn’t doubt that he could study law. It’s just that he had to better his grades. He wrote NOV/DEC a couple of times but he still didn’t pass. Even if he had passed, did we have money to afford law school? When I asked him this question, he said God will provide. We are all Christians but is it practical to take on something you know you can’t handle?
My sister’s school fees were not a yearly one. We had to pay it every semester. After a while, my strength couldn’t do it all. So I fixed my dad’s car and sold it. That one too, I didn’t give Barnabas any physical cash. Maybe that was my mistake. I felt I was using the money to take care of all of us so that should be it. Besides, whenever he was broke, he asked me for money and I gave it to him. Anything he needed, I provided it. Even the phone his currently using, I bought it for him. I believe another mistake I made was that I didn’t take records of all the expenses I made. If I did, I would have proof to show Barnabas that I didn’t waste the money.
It was five years after our father’s death that his benefits were released. My dad died without listing any beneficiaries for his benefits so it was a long struggle. At one point, my siblings thought I was the one who wasn’t pushing hard enough to get the money. Nonetheless, when I gave them the documents to chase the money, they couldn’t do it. I am the oldest child of my parents’ marriage so everything was left for me to take care of. When the money came through, each of us received GHC27,000.
I spoke to Barnabas and our sister and told them we shouldn’t waste the money. “We can get an agent to help us travel abroad for work,” I proposed. I just want all of us to do well in life. When I explained this to them, they agreed and gave me their share. I gave each of them GHC2000 to keep and took the same amount as well. Our half-sister from our mother’s side didn’t get anything because she isn’t my dad’s biological child. So I spoke to my siblings and we gave her an amount of money from the GHC75,000 I was keeping for us.
Out of that same money, we agreed to give our aunt who took care of our mum when she was sick something to say thank you. There were a few relatives we had to sort out as well. I then bought a car to use for Uber. I didn’t keep my brother in the dark about these things. I even incurred some losses with the car and he knew about it too. All that time, things were good between us.
On my birthday, he collaborated with my girlfriend and a few friends and they surprised me with a cake at work. It made me feel so loved. I thought I had finally gotten to a place of peace with my brother. When he was graduating from his second Bible school, I didn’t go to work. Rather, I showed up for him. He said, “As a pastor, I need to wear a mirror shoe for my graduation.” I bought it for him. We were so tight until he said he wanted to take driving lessons. I asked him to look for a driving school and I would fund it. He came back to tell me how much it would cost. I told him to give me two weeks to raise the money and he responded, “You can even relax, I won’t start the lessons until school vacates.” I said okay.
I was there one day when he texted me about the driving lessons and I asked if school had vacated and he said long ago. How was I supposed to know? I am a driver, not a teacher. I don’t keep track of the academic calendar. I asked why he didn’t tell me that school had vacated and he got offended. I advised him not to go through life without proper planning. It didn’t sit well with him.
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The next thing I knew, my brother was asking for his money. He wanted GHC25,000 in full. I told him, “Even if I sell the car, I can’t give you the full amount.” He gave me till his birthday which was in October of that year to give him his money. While I was figuring out what to do, Nii told me about the job opportunity. Initially, I turned it down saying Barnabas should go instead. However, it was not feasible so I had to be the one to go. Because of the way my brother was behaving, I couldn’t tell him about the opportunity. It was my younger sister I shared the news with.
I asked her to keep it to herself but when she came home to see me off, she told Barnabas. It was at this point that my brother started accusing me of scamming him. He accused me of ruining his life. He said he would take me to Aunty Naa so that the court of public opinion would judge us. He wanted his money at all costs. I sold the car but I had to fund my travel expenses so I could only give him GHC15,000. My brother said he didn’t want it. I had to leave the money with one of our pastors.
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To cut a very long story short, Barnabas went for the money after I left town. I don’t know what he did with it but I am hearing stories that he now has nothing. That’s why people have been calling to ask me why I ruined my brother’s life. Anyone who gives him a listening ear, he tells his side of the story to make himself a victim. That’s how he has always been. There is always something or someone to blame for his predicament but himself. As for the rest of his money, I intend to work and pay it back.
Honestly, I am not mad that he is giving me a bad name. I have been following this page since 2015. I don’t know if that’s why Barnabas brought his story here hoping I would see it or if it’s just a coincidence. Whatever his reasons are, I am glad he did because I also have a message for him. He hasn’t spoken to me since October but I want him to know that I still love him. It is my desire that we will talk and trash out our differences. Our fights don’t only affect us but they affect our younger sister too. That is why I want peace. I want us to be a family again.
—Barnabas’ Brother
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Hello bro….pls do all you can in your might and pay him all his outstanding monies.
Then let him be and love his life as he so wishes,our little brothers always almost play the victim till it backfires and then they come running back.
Just sort him out with his money first then he will come running to talk things out when he is done blowing through it.
After I read his story,I wanted to ask him what he used the ghc 15,000 for cos it’s a lot of money to start something in life with but I didn’t amd thank you for providing your part of the story.
I will urge your brother Barnabas to come and disprove your story if it’s false.
All the best
Thanks for cleaning the air. Your story holds useful lessons for me personally and I believe several other readers. Things don’t just happen by themselves and in Gh nothing moves unless you push in some money. At the end of the day, all these expenses are ignored and you either absorb it yourself or you are called a thief by the other beneficiaries. Never try to be Superman, unless you are prepared to incur the expenses alone. Also be transparent and seek consensus even if you are the eldest. Communicate by text so that there is always a record of events you can refer to and refresh people’s minds where there are doubts. I have faced similar challenges and I can warrant that many on this page have too. Once again, thanks for the opportunity to reflect on our common challenges.
Do you mean to say you never deducted your expenses incurred doing the follow-up and hospital bills for your sick Dad? Why did you feel you could have saved your mom and blamed your poor brother? When you were caring for your dad, did you expect your brother who potentially killed your mother to come close and be labelled a killer again? What interest accrued on the 75,000 GH you invested in T-bills over how long? One thing I agree with you though is that Snr. brothers have usually shoulder most burden of the family and other siblings have to be considerate. You both need to forgive each other and embrace yourselves with love as brothers.