Here I am, wide awake at 2:17 a.m., staring at my husband as he sleeps like a fallen baobab tree. And the reason is ‘Herbs.’ Not the cooking type. Not the malaria type, but the other type that goes by two female names: Mary and Joana. ‘Maryjoana.’

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A year ago, my husband came home holding a small brown envelope. He waved it in my face like he had just won a scholarship. “Mansa,” he said, “doctor’s advice!” I asked, “Doctor’s advice for what?” He said, “It’s medical. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Just like that. No explanation whatsoever. That night, he locked himself on the balcony and started smoking. I thought he was experimenting. You know how some men are, sometimes they want to “feel something small.” But the next night, he smoked again. And the next. And the next. Before I knew it, one year had passed and my husband had become a nightly chimney.

Now, here’s the confusing part. I thought he was doing it to boost bedroom performance, but immediately after smoking, he doesn’t turn into the strong lion I imagined. No. He collapses instantly. No warning. No conversation. Just fwoosh! Like the electricity has gone off in his body.

So for one whole year, our bedroom has been like a mortuary. Quiet. Still. Cold. I remember one night tapping him gently: “Joe, are you alive?” No response. Another night I pushed him harder, “Joe!” He grunted and turned his back to me.

I keep asking him, “What is this medical condition that requires ritual ‘herbs’ every night?” He always answers, “Mansa, stop worrying. It’s a doctor’s prescription.” Which doctor prescribes ‘herbs’ at 9 p.m. every day? And why does this prescription turn him into a human statue?

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Sometimes I lie beside him wondering: What if he’s hiding a sickness from me? What if one day he smokes and doesn’t wake up?

So I’m here asking, which medical condition in Ghana requires a man to puff herbs every night until he passes out? Because at this point, I’m tired of sleeping next to a log. I need answers before herbs turn my husband into a plant permanently.

—Mansa

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