I met Peter on July 30th, 2019. I was in my final year at the university then. I was twenty-one and he was thirty-one at that time. It didn’t bother me that he is a decade older than me. If anything, it made me think that he was mature and serious. I knew boys my age wouldn’t be interested in settling down soon. So I usually didn’t find them desirable. That’s why I gave Peter the kind of attention I did. When he expressed his interest in me, I wasn’t surprised. I already knew he liked me and I also liked him but I didn’t give him an answer right away. I didn’t want to seem desperate so I told him, “Give me a few days to think about it.” He waited patiently until I was ready to say yes to him.

 The day after our relationship officially began he said, “Introduce me to your mother. I want her to know that you are dating a man and not a small boy who hides in the shadows.” This further went to prove that he was serious about me. First, he met only my mother but along the line he met other members of my family including my closest cousin, Rose. 

About six months into our relationship, I travelled with my parents to our hometown. While I was there, Peter became distant. I noticed how he quickly declined my calls. On days he answered too he would say, “Let me call you back in a few minutes.” I would wait but he’d never call. Other times he would answer the phone and say, “I am driving. I’ll call you when I make a stop.” He never returned those calls either. This kept going on until I figured out that my boyfriend was avoiding me on purpose. At that moment I told myself, “It must be the distance between us. Things will get back to normal when I return.” 

During my stay in my hometown, I attended an annual party organized by some old friends of mine. After I got home from the party, Peter called. He didn’t even ask how I was doing. He just bombarded me with questions, “What did you do at the party? Who were those guys you were dancing with?” I was surprised that he knew, but I answered him; “Those guys are my childhood friends. I only see them when I come to my hometown. How did you know that I danced with them?” He said, “Rose called me at dawn to give me a report.” I began to wonder why my cousin Rose would do such a thing but I never asked her about it.

When I finally returned to Accra, he continued avoiding me. He would tell me not to visit him and still wouldn’t answer my calls. “If you want to tell me anything, send a text.” He would say. I endured this attitude of his for many months before he finally came back to normal. On January 25 2021, he bought a new phone and gave me the one he was using. Before he handed it over, he deleted everything he had on it. But when I installed WhatsApp on the phone, his old messages came pouring in. It felt like I was being forced to watch a horror movie. He was sleeping with over twenty women. It wasn’t just the shuperu, he was sending them nudes as well.

I weigh 70kg and I have wide hips and big thighs. My body is something I was completely comfortable with until I met Peter. He calls me fat and shapeless and kept telling me to lose weight. So imagine my surprise when I saw that some of the women he was cheating on me with were bigger than me. He texted each of them, “You are so sexy, baby. One of my favourite things to do is to go down on you.” He was even trying to have a serious relationship with one of them. That explained why he changed toward me when I travelled. The only reason he came back to me was when she dumped him. 

I confronted him about the messages and he tried to deny them.  “Why would you just sit down and cook up stories about me? I don’t like that.” Then I sent him screenshots of some of the messages. Only then did he admit his actions. This guy pleaded with me that I shouldn’t leave him. At first, I didn’t want to continue with the relationship but he persisted. His actions and his words were remorseful. He said he didn’t know what came over him when he did it. He swore he would never do it again. He called my phone often. He sent multiple texts trying to get my attention. You must understand that while all this was going on I still loved him. He had betrayed my trust but I was convinced that he truly was sorry. So after a while, I forgave him and our relationship continued as if nothing had happened.

On March 7 2021, he left his phone on charge and stepped out to buy something.  The phone rang but I didn’t bother to go near it. After it disconnected, it rang again. This time I went to check who it was. It was my cousin Rose who was calling. I wondered why she was calling him so late in the night but I didn’t answer the call. She called again about three more times. After that, she started texting him. My curiosity took over and I opened the messages and started reading their chats. I found out that they were doing shuperu behind my back. They were also exchanging nudes. He told her things to make me look inadequate for him. 

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One of his texts read; “I know Suzzy is my girlfriend but she is too young for me to take her seriously. And she is always begging me for money. I don’t like women who are like that.” The last part surprised me because I have never asked this guy for money or any material thing in all the time we dated. The sad part was how my cousin laughed and also said bad stuff about me to him. Here I was thinking I had a man who loved me and a cousin I could trust. But it turned out that I was nothing but a joke to them. I was the topic they discussed when they needed a good laugh. The two of them probably did things to provoke me so that they would have something entertaining to talk about the next time they meet to screw each other. 

When Peter returned from his errands, I confronted him about the messages. He denied it, “Suzzy, I know that I messed up the last time but I have changed. How can you sit there and accuse me of sleeping with your cousin? Is that how low you think of me? Your own cousin? How?” I tried to show him the messages on his phone but he wouldn’t let me touch it. So I called my cousin and asked her about their relationship. “You are right, I’ve been involved with Peter for some time now. It wasn’t anything serious, I just wanted to spend his money, that’s all. Then she laughed and hang up on me. The whole thing felt like I was watching a bad movie. Peter tried to apologize to me again but this time I stood firm in my decision to leave him.

Guys, depression is an understatement for what I’m going through currently. How am I ever going to make a recovery from such betrayal? I’m completely broken. I’m supposed to write my entrance exams to law school this year but I am afraid this trauma is going to affect my performance. Please help me with some words of encouragement.

—Suzzy

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