She dated her boss for a while. This was something I knew when we were friends and were nowhere near dating. Her boss was going through a divorce and was hoping she would be the one to marry him. I advised her against it. I told her she should wait until the divorce was over, but she was already in too deep, going out with him and taking him to her place and all. At some point, I had to leave the scene to give them space.

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The relationship didn’t last long because, according to her, her boss told her the families had taken over the issue and were trying to resolve it. Once she realized there could be no divorce, she left the relationship. I respected her for that. Though she didn’t listen to me, I gave her a pat on the shoulder for knowing when to leave a relationship that wasn’t serving the meal she went in for.

Two years later, we found ourselves at a crossroads of love. I’d always liked her as a person, but love also developed along the way. At first, she said no. She felt falling in love would destroy us, but I told her we could only know if we tried. It took a lot of convincing, but one day she accepted we should try, and we did.

It was smooth from the start because there was nothing I didn’t know about her. There was nothing I didn’t share with her, and there was nothing she didn’t share with me. A lot of our mutual friends thought we wouldn’t last, but we kept taking it a day at a time until, by the time we realized, we were making future plans.

When she took me home, her mother laughed. She had known me for too long; I didn’t need to introduce myself. Her dad said, “Whenever you are ready, just come home with what you have.”

So we started making plans for our wedding. We planned for everything but didn’t talk much about it. A week before our wedding, she asked me, “My boss wants to come to the wedding. What do you think about that?” I asked her, “Can he not come?” She answered, “If you don’t want him to be there, then he wouldn’t have to be there.”

He was her boss but also her ex, and I didn’t want to juggle between emotions on my wedding day. If I didn’t know it, the better, but I knew what they had done. I knew the history between them, and I wouldn’t like to see a man I knew had something to do with the woman wearing my gown and my ring.

The day of the wedding, it was all smiles until I saw this man seated in the front row, smiling and making eye gestures with my wife. My smiles faded. My focus turned from everything and settled on him. I whispered to her, “I thought we agreed not to…” She responded, “I couldn’t stop him. He’s my boss, remember? And he didn’t come alone; my colleagues are also here.”

He brought a gift. He took a photo with us. He pushed me aside and took a photo with her. I was watching them with thick jealousy in my eyes. My wife smiled broadly as she waved goodbye. It didn’t feel like she hated him for lying to her. The chemistry felt warmer than I anticipated, but I decided to let it all go to enjoy my day. And the good thing was, I didn’t see him at the reception.

Three days after our wedding, I went through her phone. They spoke even the night before our wedding. Her boss said, “This should have been us. I’m sorry about everything.” My wife answered, “I’m past it. Just wish me luck.”

I scrolled until I got to the end of their chat. I was looking for a way to break my own heart just a few days after our wedding. Nothing showed they were together, but everything showed the man was still hitting on my wife. He had asked her out, and she had said no. They talked about something that happened in the office, and my wife said, “Don’t try it again. It was too dangerous.”

She didn’t go further than that, so I couldn’t read what actually happened that made her say that, but I could assume he was trying to get touchy in the office. I woke her up. I told her I’d gone through their chat. She said, “You’re still on this issue? Why are you digging up the past when we rather have a new horizon ahead of us?”

So I told her, “If I can feel safe and not worry about you and that man, you have to leave that job.” She didn’t argue or fight back. She answered, “I’m already looking for a new job. I will leave and make you happy.”

I was happy to hear that. I dropped all my fears and melted back into love. Almost a year later, my wife still works with the same boss. She has had offers but turned them down because “the salary isn’t good.”

I can’t complain because I see the effort, yet I get worried anytime she comes home late from work. I get paranoid whenever she goes out alone and it’s getting late. I swore not to go through her phone again, so for several months, I haven’t gone on her phone, though she has the same password. This thing is killing me softly, and I’m looking for someone to talk to about it.

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It’s the reason I’m sharing it here. I try to trust her. I try to let my fears go, but it’s not easy. Please tell me what I can do to calm down while we pray for a new opening. If I don’t, I will drop dead one day because of insecurity. Is this feeling valid? Did I make a mistake by marrying her when I knew her past? At what point will I feel secure in love knowing what I know? I loved her even when she was a friend, and I still love her, so why can’t I let this feeling go?

—Ben

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