My wife hates my friend. Not just dislike. She hates him with a passion, and that is the simplest way I can put it. She smiles with all my other friends, but when it comes to Ken, she does not even want to see him around me.

Before I got married, I took her to meet Ken, one of my closest friends. After we left, he called me and made a comment. I laughed and paid no attention to it because Ken is that kind of man. You do not take his words too seriously.

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He said, “A man should marry a beautiful woman so his children will be good-looking.” I ignored it because I knew what I wanted and what I saw in her.

I do not know who told my wife, but she later found out. Since then, she has held on to it and built a strong dislike for him.

On our wedding day, Ken was the only one among those I invited who showed up. In our tradition, both families must have spokespersons before the marriage can take place. At the last minute, my family’s representative failed to appear without notice. Ken stepped in and handled the role so well. If not for him, I would have been completely disgraced. In some way, I feel indebted to him.

They exchanged greetings and pleasantries during the wedding, but when we returned home, it turned into a full lecture. She told me I should stop hanging out with Ken. When I asked her why, she told me to think about it and see things from her point of view.

I am a teacher. I was posted to a village school in the Eastern Region in 2010. Two years later, three young male teachers joined the school. The four of us became very close because we lived in the same village and shared everything.

After six years, I moved to the district capital. Two of my colleagues were also transferred, so we moved together. I worked in the same school with one of them, and because of our shared history, I became especially close to Ken.

Ken and I built a strong friendship. We ate together, visited each other, and supported each other through difficult times. He is the kind of person who would share his last meal or his last money. His loyalty is not something you question.

Yes, Ken likes women. In fact, he likes women the way a cat likes meat. He is married, but he carries women matters on his head. Still, I do not see him as a bad person. He is flawed, but he is present when it matters.

Ken is the closest thing to family I have here. In times of need, he is the one who shows up. I have explained this to my wife.

She is asking me to choose between the brotherhood and my marriage. It is a hard thing to do. It is a difficult place to be. I am not a woman who can easily end friendships based on feelings, and these are people who have stood by me beyond ordinary friendship.

Ken talks too much. Ken mostly thinks with his desires. But he is also the friend you lean on when life becomes heavy.

I have tried to explain to my wife that asking me to choose is like me asking her to cut off her own friends simply because she is married now. It will only create unnecessary tension.

So I am here.

I have a new bride at home who thinks my friend’s behaviour will rub off on me. I say no. I am a man of my own wisdom. I did not take his advice when he said that. I do not mind it. It is you I wanted and you I married.

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I am certain what he said was a joke. If you ask Ken right now, he might even ask when he said that. He has forgotten it by now, but my bride is still holding on to it.

Let us enjoy the honeymoon. Let us dance. Let us fling our rings in the air and ask God to help us on this journey, rather than hang on to something a man who jokes too much once said.

Now I do not know what to do. Should I distance myself from Ken, or maintain the friendship? I do not want this to grow into something that will damage my marriage.

 

—Mark

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