My wife and I were together for four years before we took our vows a little close to a year ago. We were so in love that I envisioned our marriage to be filled with romantic date nights, and passionate lovemaking sessions. However, I have come to discover that marriage is not exactly the fun affair we saw on TV shows when we were kids. The good thing is, we built our relationship on friendship so we’ve been best of friends. She is a good woman through and through and I don’t regret marrying her. She understands me to the point where she knows what I need before I tell her. During our courtship days, I made her understand that she is my biggest investment and I have since committed to her personal development. I told her, “If you succeed, I succeed. And if you fail, I fail. So whatever you do, and whatever I do, we do it for us.” This principle is what has guided our relationship to this point.

As I said earlier, marriage is not a Hollywood affair. Our dream wedding cost a lot of money so we are still paying wedding bills. However, that hasn’t affected our marriage negatively. The thing affecting our marriage is our bedroom affairs. I love my wife and I am very attracted to her. I know she loves me, and she finds me attractive too. We didn’t meet each other as virgins, and neither did we practice “No shuperu till marriage.” We knew each other’s needs before we got married, but due to work, we live apart. This living arrangement doesn’t favour me at all because I love shuperu very much. One could even say that I am a borderline sex addict.

This doesn’t mean that I do it with anyone at all. I only desire to do with my wife, but unfortunately, I am not getting it as much as I want to. This makes me cranky and bored most of the time. There are times I indulge in self-pleasure, just to take the urge off. But that’s all it does. It takes the urge off, but it doesn’t satisfy me. You would think that when my wife is around she would give me everything I want to sustain me in her absence, but no. She prefers us to do everything but the actual thing. I could go down on her for twenty to thirty minutes, and make her climax many times. But when it was time for me to get my pleasure, she would clamp her legs shut and tell me my thing is too much for her.

I have sought to understand her behaviour but nothing makes sense. I even asked her, “Why didn’t you complain about my size before we got married? Why is it now a problem?” She answered, “I didn’t complain because I wanted to keep you. And now I have you so I don’t need to endure it anymore.” Honestly, I think she is exaggerating. I have taken a good look at myself and I am not hung like a horse. I am just a regular-sized man, about 7.5 inches in length and 5.2 inches in width. So I think she is just using the size as an excuse to get out of performing marital relations.

To make things more difficult for me, she has reduced the number of times we get intimate, to twice a week when she is around. When she is only around for the weekend, she lets us do it only once. While I don’t have any qualms about going down on her, she wouldn’t return the favour when I ask her to. She prefers to use her hand to get me off, which is no different from what I do to myself. I find her attitude toward intimacy unusual and unfair!

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What worries me is that our marriage is too young for her to be getting tired of me already. What will she start doing if she gets pregnant? How will she satisfy my needs when we start having kids? How are we even going to make those babies if she continues to reject me whenever I try to go all the way with her? I have spoken to her about my concerns several times but all she says is, “You have no idea how difficult it is for me to handle all of you.” I don’t know what to do anymore. I also don’t want to start having problems with her because of this. So I am considering looking elsewhere for what I need. All I need to do is find a woman who will be willing to do everything my wife has refused to do, and we will keep things casual.

I know that this is not the smartest idea but I believe it is the only way I will be able to keep my marriage. Perhaps, my sexual frustration is clouding my judgment. That is why I am sharing my story with you. Reason with me on this and advise me on what else I can do to solve this problem.

— Joseph

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