Before I met my wife, she had gone through a crazy breakup that was making her delusional. The man she was dating had had a child with a side chick, and she only found out through a friend. She was devastated to the extent that she didn’t want to have anything to do with men. She called men dogs and called our ancestors goats. She said all men were the same, but I was patient enough to calm her heart down and lay down my feelings for her.

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For a whole year, she played hide and seek with me. She would say no to me and say yes tomorrow, and then say no to me. I was getting frustrated. I asked, “Is it a no or yes?” She responded, “How can a man I’ve dated for four good years do this to me? And you’re here telling me you’re different.”

I left her for some time. I went to chase a dream that promised money and peace. I got a chance to travel abroad, but the travel fell through, and the agent ran away with my money. While mourning my loss, she called. I was so heartbroken I didn’t even want to talk to her. She invited me on a date and bought me food. She told me, “So you see how it feels like to be heartbroken?”

From that day, we started afresh, like two strangers who just met. I told her that I still loved her and wanted to be with her. She asked if I still had the abroad dreams, and I said, “If you said yes to me the first time, I wouldn’t be in this situation where I had to lose money to a scam.”

When I told her she was going to be my abroad and a dream come true, she accepted my proposal. That same night, she went home with me, and we had our first intimacy. She told me, “Now that the ice is broken, let’s start talking about marriage.”

It sounded like a joke, but I loved her too much and wanted to marry her as soon as possible.

We had dated for eleven months when I wore a black suit and she wore a white gown, and we walked the aisle. She already had a big place, so I moved in with her to begin life afresh. We were two crazy souls who couldn’t let each other go.

A year later, she was pregnant. It was hell going through this pregnancy with her. She was often sick. I had to stay by her side frequently. I even had to take leave from work to be able to sit next to her and nurse her back to health.

While I was doing that, any little time she had, she would be on her phone chatting with someone and laughing. She could cry one moment, and the next minute, she would be on the phone chatting and laughing. She would say she was talking to a cousin abroad or one crazy aunt who couldn’t wait to meet the baby.

After she had cried because the fried rice didn’t have enough pepper, she fell asleep. I took her phone and saw that it was her ex she was talking to. All the laughter and giggles were from the same man who impregnated another woman and left her brokenhearted.

Their messages weren’t anything suspicious, except for teases here and there. She was telling him about her pregnancy and the amazing man that I was and how I was different from him and his devilish ways. They weren’t arguing, just a friendly vibe, but I didn’t like it. An ex in the picture always brings bad news, so when she woke up and was in a very good mood, I told her I didn’t like the fact that she was talking to her ex. She didn’t argue with me. She said she was sorry.

She gave birth not long ago. The baby hardly sleeps, so when he finally sleeps, we try as much as possible to catch some sleep ourselves before he wakes up again. I woke up one late night and saw her chatting and smiling those familiar smiles. I didn’t talk. When she slept, I went through her phone and realized she was still talking to her ex.

She had changed his name again, playing around with him, telling him how cute our baby is and how she was lucky it wasn’t him she had a baby with. She said their baby would have been ugly. The guy said, “If you like, let’s fix a match and get one so you can do a true analysis.”

She only sent laughing emojis. In the messages, I realized she had been sending him money to the guy. Twice, the guy had asked for help. The first time, he said he needed a 5k loan to pay his son’s school fees. The same son he had with the side chick. He said the woman was on his neck and making his life uncomfortable. The second time, he simply said, “Your guy is dying ooo. Life is very hard. Can you send me something?”

She sent the 5k he requested, and after a few weeks, she sent another 2k to him because life was beating him.

My wife doesn’t help around here financially. If she gives with her left hand, she would take with her right hand. Nothing from her is free. I didn’t have any problem until I realized she could give that much to an ex who broke her heart. I tapped her to wake up. I showed her the messages. I was shaking. “What does he do for you that you have to send him this much? Are you sleeping with him? Is he providing services to your life that I don’t know of?”

She said it was a loan and she would get it back. “Why would you give money to an ex? What for?” She answered, “He’s just a man going through hard times, and I decided to help. If you have a problem with that, fine. It won’t happen again.”

What Nobody Tells You About Divorce

I’m still processing everything that has gone on, filling in the missing stories to see if any harm has been done somewhere that I’m not aware of. I’m thinking about wild possibilities, and it traumatizes me where my mind is going. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Should this be enough reason to throw this marriage away? It’s her ex—the same man who broke her to pieces and left me to fix. What do you suggest?

—Frimpong

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