I’ve read many stories here about how teenage siblings behave when they fall in love, especially the girls, and how difficult it can be to talk them out of it. My question is, can we really stop them? Until they experience life for themselves, there is very little anyone can say to change their minds.

Let me tell you how I came to this conclusion.

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My parents had seven children, five girls and two boys. I am the third child and the second girl. My elder sister got pregnant while she was still young and in school. My parents, especially my dad, were extremely disappointed. Words could not describe his face when he heard the news, nor his reaction afterward. Before we could wrap our heads around the matter, our younger sister also got pregnant and dropped out of school. How did it happen? Of course, she had sex, but like… how? So my dad washed his hands of them. He did not want anything to do with them, at all, or their children. Eventually, my elder sister had to move out because my dad made the house unbearable for her. I saw with my own eyes how hard life became for them. Everything about their way of life screamed, “I am suffering; I should have used a condom.”

 

So I knew better than to follow in their footsteps. I managed to complete school and further my education. It was not as if I was an angel, no. I also had a boyfriend, but I made sure we were protected, or there was no show, or Auntie Lydia stepped in, because I did not want to face the same challenges.

After school, I was posted to Accra, and that is when I met life. It was not easy, takashi and prayers, but I eventually got a job that paid well.

At the time, I had two younger sisters still in school: Adwoa and Abena. Adwoa was fifteen and in SHS 1, and Abena was about eight years old. I decided to bring my immediate younger sister’s daughter to live with me for a while because she was very attached to me. Since I knew I would not have time for her during her stay, I asked Abena to come along and help me take care of her while I was away.

Everything was fine until I started noticing changes in Adwoa after about three weeks. Suddenly, everything in the house irritated her, even foods she used to love. She was throwing up and sleeping all the time. That is when I suspected she might be pregnant. My parents had been complaining about her behavior before she came, and I had tried speaking sense into her, but you know how teenagers in love behave. Nothing gets through to them.

I sat her down and asked her some questions, and she did not hide anything. I got a pregnancy test kit, and it came out positive. My mouth literally stayed open for close to ten minutes. What was I going to tell my parents? “Adwoa, you just started SHS, and you are already pregnant after everything Dad has invested in your education?”

 

She herself was shocked. I did not talk to her for days, nor did I inform my parents. Four days later, I asked who was responsible. She told me, and so I called the boy. He denied everything; he denied passing by her, smelling her breath. I had to threaten his football career before he admitted it. The next morning, he sent a message apologizing and begging me not to tell his coach. Apparently, he lived with his coach and only visited his mother occasionally; that is how he met my sister.

It became clear he could not even afford baby diapers, let alone take responsibility. I knew I could not face my parents with this, and I could not allow her to drop out of school too. So I spoke to a doctor friend, and he gave me medication to terminate the pregnancy.

The pain she went through that night was unbearable. I could not sleep because I was scared something would happen to her. But the next morning, she woke up acting completely normal. After two weeks, we went for a check up, and everything was fine.

When we got home, I asked her how it felt, and she admitted it was so painful she thought she would not wake up. I told her, “That is exactly how painful your life will become if you get pregnant again. This is the first and last time I will ever help you with something like this.” I used our two other sisters as examples, the struggles they faced and how life became difficult for them. Then I told her the truth: “I cannot stop you from having sex, and I cannot watch you every day. Your life is in your hands now. Whatever decisions you make will affect your future, not mine. If you must do it, protect yourself and focus on school.”

She agreed, thanked me, and the next morning she left. Before she left, I made sure she understood she could never tell our parents, and up to today, it is still our secret. I had not told anyone until the guilt became too heavy, so I confided in someone I trusted. Her response was, “You should have allowed her to give birth so she would understand how painful life really is.”

Adwoa completed school last year, and I helped her secure a job as a salesgirl at a friend’s shop. I still feel guilty sometimes, but I am also proud she learned from it and finished school.

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

As for my older sisters: my big sister is now married, and my other sister followed my advice and learned a skill. Today, she is even better than her madam.

Abena will begin her nursing journey next year. I always thank God that I was the one who discovered her pregnancy and not our parents, even though the guilt still weighs on me sometimes. But it is okay.

 

— Louisa

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