I am a mother to a girl, a very beautiful and amazing girl. And so, when I met Stephen, I thought I had hit the jackpot. He was a single father as well, to a boy. I thought, single mother meets single father, perfect match. We can make this work. And we actually did. We were not playing mind games with each other, or taking each other for granted.

As a way of bonding and loving each other, I took in his boy. I mean, in the near future we were going to live together, get married. These were the small steps we were taking.

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We have been doing this for ten years. In these ten years, he has officially introduced himself to my family as the first step toward marriage. Even more, we have a child together. So his son is 17 years old, my daughter is 11, and our little boy is 3 years old.

Due to my work, I moved from where he rented for us to one of my grandpa’s houses, which he gave to me for free in another town. I mean, this has been going on for years now. The parenting of his child. His child should see me as his mom, at least. Not biological, but yes, a mother figure. So it should be easy, right? I should have some authority over his son, my son too, right?

Well, that is not exactly how it is.

My main issue now is my stepson. He is worrying me too much. He is stubborn, disrespectful, rebellious, and troublesome. When I am not around, he beats my daughter and throws her out of the house. He tells her that all the things in the room, including my shop that my grandpa set up for me, are for his father. He tells my daughter to go and look for her own father and inherit *his* properties. It is as if he is marking his territory.

When I complained to his father, asking him to come and talk to his son, he got angry. I later told him that since he was not ready to do what I said, I would let the boy stay with him. That his son would never step foot in my place again.

He got angry and told me we should quit.

And as much as it hurts to end everything we’ve built over the past decade because of something so small, something he could easily handle, then fine. He is the man after all. I’ve agreed.

Because I have tolerated a lot of his cheating habits. And honestly, I cannot deal with his son’s behaviour. I cannot watch my daughter be beaten and exiled in a home that is meant to be her safe place. I built this life with love and patience, but some lines cannot be crossed. When a man chooses to let his child torment yours, that is not a man building a family. That is a man watching his family burn.

Marriage Through the Eyes of Millennials and Gen-Z

So he said we should quit. And I have agreed. My peace and my daughter’s safety are not things I am willing to negotiate anymore. Sometimes, the strongest thing a mother can do is stop building on a broken foundation, take her children, and walk away.

—Dorcas

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