Is it strange that I’m jealous of my own sister?

I’m two years older than her. I don’t know which side of my mother’s womb she slept on, but this girl has everything I don’t have when it comes to beauty. As if that’s not enough, any of my friends who saw her for the first time said, “Your sister is more beautiful than you.”

They could have just said, “Your sister is beautiful,” and that would have been okay, but they had to add “than you” to make me feel bad about someone else’s beauty.

There’s this guy I was talking to, hoping he would grow fond of me and later propose. I called him often. I texted him even when he didn’t respond. One day he saw my sister for the first time, and he couldn’t take his eyes off her. To the extent that he texted me and said, “One of the greatest things you can do for me right now is tell me your sister is single and leave the rest to me.”

Since then, each time we chat, he asks about my sister. When I try to change the topic, he makes it clear that it’s about my sister, so I shouldn’t change it.

I’m the eldest among three siblings, but every favor, grace, and good thing goes to my sister first. It only comes to me when she’s not available or doesn’t want it. I’m the first, but my younger sister always has a choice before me. I’m jealous, and this kind of jealousy isn’t the healthy type.

Because of her, I want to go far from home, where people will see me for me and not through my sister’s shadow. Sometimes I wish she wasn’t my sister or that she would leave the house and not come back again.

We used to do a lot of things together, but recently I decided to pull away from her. In church, I sit far from her, and I’m always the first to leave the house when, previously, we all went together. I’ve been leaving her behind these days, and the sad thing is, it’s affecting her emotionally.

She thinks she did something wrong, but how do I tell her that being more beautiful than me is her “crime,” so she should leave me alone?

—Fafa 

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