I have a six-year-old son, and whenever I visit him, I go with my son. He knew I had a child. He also knew that I had no one to leave him with when I go out, so I take him with me wherever I visit. He knew all this before he proposed. I said yes not long ago, so the relationship is quite new.

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The last time I was at his place, he said my son was “all over the place.” Meanwhile, I never saw my son get up from the sofa once he sat down watching cartoons. He’s the shy type, especially in a new environment.

Just yesterday, he asked me to prioritize our relationship since it was new. I asked what he meant, and he said, “Your son keeps distracting the flow of the relationship. Can’t you keep him in the shadows for a while, until we are established?”

I would have done that if I had someone to help. I wouldn’t call it “keeping him in the shadows,” but I wouldn’t visit him with my son in tow all the time. But the fact that he’s insisting and demanding it when he knows my predicament makes me feel some type of way. He also has a child—a four-year-old boy who lives with his baby mama. I asked if he would be happy for his baby mama to treat their child this way, and his answer was, “That’s a different conversation. We’re talking about us.”

He confuses me. He insists my son is not a problem, but on the other hand, he says my son should be kept in the shadows for a while. Now I’m beginning to wonder if I should invest my emotions into this new relationship or I should take a back seat and watch what happens. What he wants can’t work, at least not for now, and I’ve told him. I don’t know what else to say or do to make him understand.

—Lucy

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