My mother was fifteen years old when she was raped. A few months before her sixteenth birthday, she said it was by a friend at the time. She said it happened again, within the space of a week, by my father. She said he was in his mid-thirties.
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She became pregnant and informed my father about it. She asked to end the pregnancy, but he refused. He said he wanted to marry her and start a family. That was the circumstance under which my mother and father married. There was no love story you would hope for. So, my mother married him at age fifteen.
She continued to have six children for him. At first, this story was not known to us. We were living as a happy family. We had our bitter-sweet moments, but that is family. It stayed like that for a while, until our step-siblings—my father’s other children—started spreading rumours that my eldest sister did not belong to our dad. That she was a bastard. During that time, the rumour was spreading, my father was almost dying. I did not worry about it. I thought it was one of those sibling quarrels, you know how we used to mock our siblings that they are not our parents? Yes, I thought it was one of those fights.
I can’t really remember, but it was during or after our dad’s burial that the same issue came up again. That was when I began searching for an answer. I suggested a DNA test be conducted among us. My sister refused, saying there was no need for it now that our dad was gone. More so, she said our dad had explicitly told her she was not his daughter.
Years later, everyone was moving on with life. But I noticed a particular behaviour in my sister. Any chance, any misunderstanding she had with our mother, she would tell us and tell people around our family history. She would tell people how she doesn’t know her father and that our mum should first show her her own father before advising her or her children. The whole thing was becoming so embarrassing, to the point that we had to call our mum and ask her to tell us what exactly happened over forty years ago.
That was when she opened up to us about the story. But she insisted that our dad is the father of our sister. She was certain it had to be my father. So we sat down and explained things to her. We educated her, letting her know it is highly possible it could be the other guy.
We explained to our mum that since the two incidents happened within the space of one week, it is highly possible that the other man could be the father of our sister.
We found him after some days of our search. When she finally told him why she had called and the need to conduct a DNA test, that her children wanted a test to be conducted between him and our sister. According to him, he said he remembered. He said our mum had to stress him and struggle with him before he was able to have his way. And that he did not really do the thing as he desired, so he can never be the father of our sister.
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My mum called me on the phone to talk to him. After talking to him, he still insisted he is not and can never be, and that his God will not disgrace him. Mind you, he is now a pastor. He also said only women know the true father of their children. I let him know our mum was not a woman then; she was just a girl. I told him I would foot the bill for the DNA test, and more so, my sister doesn’t need anything from him. We just want to know the truth, to give us the upper hand to face our step-siblings.
This man said he would think about it, and that if our sister happened not to be his daughter, he would milk us—take huge money from us. I did not want to drag him, to let him know that what he did years ago, which was confirmed by himself, was called rape. We are patiently waiting for him to get back to us for the test.
My question now is, should he finally refuse, what should we do? Since they were both minors. Do we have a case?
—Loretta
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You might not have a case since they were both minors at the time.
And something that has happened for over 40 years might not be a case.
It’s just unfortunate how your sister is going about it. She is 40 and it is expected that she should be mature enough to handle her own issues without troubling her Mother. That’s quite irresponsible on her own part.
If you’re helping her it’s fine, but you have to beat the So-called man of God at whatever game he wants to play.
Your Mom might have her reputation to protect as she is a woman, and I’m guessing that’s what he might want to use against her in order to blackmail you guys and “milk” you. But he would also have his own reputation to protect as a so-called man of God.
I wish you got that ugly confession of his on record. You’ll infact have more against him. The ugly confession of what he did years ago without remorse and his threat to “milk” you.
Dear Sarah, please cross-check your facts. A crime has no expiry date and in the case of teenage minors will still attract punishment albeit reduced.
Not true Sammy, there’s something called a statue of limitations. I’m not sure about what country she’s in, but it depends. But it’s unlikely that they’d be able to prosecute a rape that occurred forty years ago unless the DNA is positive