For three months, my mom consistently called me to come home. She had seen a good man and wanted me to meet him. She said all the good things, but I wasn’t interested. I was tired of relationships and didn’t want to start a new one, especially considering how my last relationship ended. But she called every morning and evening, telling me, “If you harden your heart now, good men will pass you by.”
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Out of frustration, I went home to visit her, and she took me to the man’s house. A very handsome young man who wore dark spectacles in a hall that was also dark. I asked questions in my head, but I liked what I was seeing. My mom introduced him, and he stretched out his hand for a handshake.
Something wasn’t right, but I couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong. I said my name and told him I had heard good things about him and decided to say hello. We talked nicely, and then, as I was scanning the room, my eyes caught a walking stick with red tape around it. Immediately, what I thought was wrong came to me.
I waved my hand and smiled just to see if he might smile or ask why. He didn’t. He was blind. Shock made me laugh. He said, “Because of my condition, women don’t want to date me, but your mom says you’re a nurse and have a deep heart for people, so you’ll say yes to me.”
I asked what his condition was, and he said he was blind. I asked, “Permanently?” He answered, “Yes, since I was a child.” I told him I was going to think about it.
When we stepped out, I walked very fast to put enough space between me and my mom. I didn’t want to hit her or argue with her. I was basically running. She came to meet me in the house. She said, “I know what you think, but look at it this way. He can’t cheat on you like your dad did to me. How will he see another girl in his condition? He’s well respected around here and has a good job.”
He’s a teacher and has a child who walks him to school and back. He’s well educated, but… naaa. I was packing while my mom was talking. I said, “Do you want the best for me, or do you want me to suffer? I don’t believe you’re my mom if this is all you think of me.”
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying all this because he’s a blind man. I’m saying all this because my mom didn’t do well. She should have told me the truth to prepare my mind. I got there only to be shocked.
I Left Him Because He Didn’t Help In The Kitchen
Now the man calls me every day. I talk to him nicely, but I don’t know how to tell him I can’t date him because my mom has given him the impression that I like what is broken because I have the magic powers to fix it. He even calls me babe.
I don’t pick my mom’s calls any longer. My elder brother says I should even block her, but I think that’s too harsh. Now look at me—how do I deliver the message to this man without breaking his heart?
—Jos
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Dear Jos,
There is no way to look at this but to concur with you—yes, your mother did not handle that well. How does one land a surprise like that? And to think that she had already convinced herself and this innocent (perhaps) man that her daughter would be interested without having full details JUST BECAUSE she is supposed to be in a compassionate profession is incomprehensible.
Notwithstanding, forgive her poor judgement and let her understand your position on the matter. Visual impairment does not stop desire, reason why countless people living with varied challenges do live fulfilling married lives as well as those who cheat on their partners/spouses too. Being visually impaired will not stop or solve promiscuity. She has to learn that our experiences are different and the mere fact that your father may have had a wandering eye does not translate into choosing a blind partner to avoid that possibility.
More importantly, you appear not to be interested, so let the young man know your position as well. Do this soon, as prolonging it might only lead to him believing erroneously that you might want to explore the possibility of a future with him.
Let no one guilt-trip you, please. You are within reason to not want to date someone for the reason of an impairment or a challenge. Agreeing to be with him might only lead to you feeling as though you are doing him a favour—and love should not feel that way.
The gentleman deserves better, and not to be treated like a charitable course. You also deserve who you desire and love irrespective of your profession.
The best to you.
Very long advice but worth the read. Thank you for sharing