It was a Friday night and I was on a bus going to visit my boyfriend. I had disappointed him for about two months so I decided to visit him unannounced to give him a huge surprise. It was a three-hour journey but when I imagined the shock I would see on his face when he sees me, the journey became shorter.

On the bus, he texted me. He was begging me to come visit him the next day. “Even if it’s for a few hours. I miss you, don’t you see it?” I texted back, “I’ve told you already. This weekend is packed. Let’s do it the next weekend.”

I fell asleep with my earpiece in my ears. I woke up an hour later to see plenty of missed calls from him and my best friend Efia. It was already 9 pm. I wanted to call back but I figured he might hear the sound of the bus engine and ask where I was. I didn’t call back. I called Efia and she didn’t pick up.

I got to his place and saw his room light on. “What’s he doing?” I asked myself.

I wanted to knock but I didn’t. I turned the knob and it opened easily. I opened the door gently and quietly only to see two people under a sheet on the sofa making out. My heart jumped out of my mouth. I screamed, “Hey! What’s happening here? Kofi, Is that what you do when I’m not around?”

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I held the hem of the sheet and pulled it off only to see him and his friend laughing at me under the sheet. My heart was still beating faster, the way it did when I first had my first heartbreak.

“What are you guys doing?” I asked him.

“You think I didn’t know you were coming?” Efia told me.”

When I was sleeping on the bus and he called a hundred times and I wasn’t picking up, he called my best friend to ask if she had seen or heard from me since evening. That was when Efia told him I told her I would be visiting him. I called Efia and she confirmed but all night my heart was not at ease. Even today, I still think about the scene and it traumatizes me.

Why did he decide to pull such a prank with his friend who is also a guy? It’s a strange world we are living in now. It could be that…you know what I’m saying right? He could have used pillows or his duvet. He could have even pulled the prank all alone but with his boyfriend? It’s giving me a certain vibe that I can’t shake off my head.

While there, I didn’t do anything with him. I told him my menses came early so I couldn’t do it. He was angry that I would travel all the way to his place with my menses sitting next to me in the next passenger seat. It’s been weeks but I still think about it. I’m paranoid, I agree but isn’t that a possibility looking at where the world is going?

I look at them differently, he and his friend. I’ve drawn back a lot of scenes from the past where the two of them were involved to check if I could pinpoint one thing that says they were involved. I’ve watched videos the two of them were in. I’ve checked their proximity with each other, how they related, how they touched and how they laughed and tapped each other.

I’m going crazy so I’m here asking what I can do to shake the thought off my head. It’s embarrassing but I can’t help it. I’ve even dreamt about it. They were having a wedding in my dreams while I was their maid of honour. I’m twisted into complicated knots. What or who can untwist me and make me normal again?

—Mabel

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