Since we got married five years ago, I’ve had nothing negative to say about my husband. He’s been supportive from day one and knows how to keep a family happy. He takes us out and is always the first to post it on his socials. Every Sunday after church, he takes photos. On random days at home, he takes photos and shares them. He loves me, and he makes it obvious.

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So, as a wife, I’ve always tried to complement the care and love he invests in us. I’ve loved him from the very first day he called my name in church, when I thought he hadn’t even noticed my existence. He jovially said he would visit me in the evening, and I asked if he knew where I lived. He said, “Just watch me.”

That evening, my younger sister came to tell me I had a visitor. I opened the door, and it was him. I liked him at first, but seeing him at my door when I thought he didn’t know me made me fall in love with him right there. I took him to my room, something I had never done, and asked him what brought him to my home.

Three days later, we were dating. A week later, my parents knew him. A month later, his parents called me their daughter-in-law. A little over a year later, we were married. You would see us and think we had the perfect marriage, and you wouldn’t be wrong because for the past five years, there hasn’t been a single day we’ve been unhappy.

I never suspected my husband of cheating or any ill move because this is a man who puts us out there every day. We are his screensaver, the frame on his office wall, and the photos he posts on his socials. I never thought he could have space for another woman until I went through his phone out of curiosity.

There was a Jennifer who appeared as consistently as the air. I saw the name on Facebook Messenger, then on WhatsApp, and then on SMS because he had been sending her money. I read their messages. Even though most had been deleted, you could tell immediately that something existed between them.

They had been to places together where my husband took photos of her and sent them to her. They had spent nights talking freely. They had plans for another trip where my husband said he was about to book a place. It’s always the ones you love who break you into pieces, but the ones you love and trust like my husband don’t just break you to pieces. They bury the pieces.

I couldn’t feel my heart while reading those messages. Everything went numb except my mind, which kept asking questions. “Why would he cheat when he has everything here? Is there something I did wrong? What does she offer that I don’t?”

Because I didn’t want to disturb the peace in our home by bringing bitterness into our days, I decided to keep quiet and find a better way to address it. I’ve been told that when a man cheats, a wife’s attitude shouldn’t push him further into the arms of the other woman.

I kept quiet, battling with my conscience about what to do next. It affected my mood. I pretended to be normal, but the wound was too deep. My mom was the one I finally spoke to, and she said, “Don’t be afraid to let him know you know what he’s doing. If he loves you the way he makes it look, then he’ll stop.”

One day, I went through his phone again looking for fresh evidence, and what I read made me so angry I wanted to find that girl and confront her. She was complaining about how my husband shows me off to the world. “Do you know you hurt my feelings anytime you post her? You make me feel so small. I know she’s your wife, but can you not post her?”

My husband responded, “I hear. I will try.”

She didn’t stop there. She said, “When you’re with me and she calls, you quickly pick up. But when I call and you don’t pick up, I suspect she’s around. Who is the man—you or her?”

The fact that she was indirectly competing with me made my blood boil. I used that anger to confront my husband. I told him everything I had read from start to finish, the money he had sent her. I even told him the total amount he sent her every month. I said, “I don’t know why you’re doing this after being everything to this family. Stop it before it destroys us.”

He went on his knees. I lifted him up. He apologized, but I told him the best apology I deserved was for him to stop seeing that girl. He raised his hands and said he was done. I told him I would be watching closely. He said calmly, “Please trust me going forward. I will do everything I’ve said I will do.”

That was two weeks ago. I don’t know what has happened between him and that woman since then. I don’t know what he told her or whether they’ve truly ended things, but anytime I think about it, it doesn’t feel like enough unless I confront her myself.

She knew my husband was married and still chose to be with him. So why is she trying to change how he treats me? She accepted being the side chick, so why is she now trying to adjust my place in my own marriage?

It’s Not God’s Law For A Man To Apologize To A Woman

I have her number. I’ve tried calling her several times, but each time I stop midway. I even typed a long message once and deleted it. I feel inadequate. I feel like my words should reach her the way hers reached my husband.

Is it a good idea to call her and warn her? I believe it would let her know that I’m aware of her and push her away completely from my husband. What do you think?

—Marie 

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