There is always this guy that a lady is so closed to that everyone thinks they are dating. Ansah was that guy for me. We had been friends for so long I can’t recall how the friendship started. At some point my mom asked me, “So you two when are you going to get married? You started seeing each other when you were in primary school and you still hanging around without any future plans?” It wasn’t only my mother who thought that way. My father thought the same way too and my junior brother.
But the answer was always the same. “We are just friends. Why don’t you guys believe that? Or a man and a woman can’t be just friends any longer?”
Only a few people could believe us but that didn’t stop us from being ourselves around each other. Then Ansah had a girlfriend—Rose. That girl came in and changed our conversations. Whenever I was with Ansah, all he talked about was Rose; “Can you imagine what Rose did to me last night?” “Rose said this…” “Rose said that…” All was about Rose but it didn’t bother me a lot. Instead, I was happy for him whenever he came with happy news about their relationship. Whenever there was trouble, I was the one he came to and I was always the one giving him advice.
Rose came to have issues with me because she thought I was secretly dating Ansah. No matter how hard we tried to explain ourselves, she found it hard to believe there was nothing going on. At some point, I had to give them space. It was hard for us but that was the best thing for their relationship. Just around that time, I accepted Enoch’s proposal. I dated Enoch for only three months to know he wasn’t right for me. He was possessive and commanding. He wanted to know everything I did with my life and sometimes determining where I should go and where I should not. I couldn’t stand it.
I tried to let him know and understand what I didn’t like about him but he always flexed the I’m-the-man muscles and that got on my nerves. I left the relationship without telling him I’d left. He was always in my inbox shouting orders. When I didn’t mind him, he would say, “It looks like you don’t value this relationship like I do.” I told him, “How can I value something that do not exist?” He got the message and left me alone.
One day Ansah called and I told him, “Me and Enoch, it didn’t work out. I can’t stand his ego so I left.” He teased, “Aww your heart is on fire. Come let me pour some water on it for you.” We laughed about it and later ignored the whole episode as if it didn’t happen. A year or so later, I was still single while Ansah and Rose were growing stronger together. One day, Ansah posted a guy on his status. I said, “You have all these friends and you won’t hook me up? Are you my friend at all?” He sent a laughing emoji.” I said, “I’m very serious. Please give my number to him.”
Minutes later, he called; “Are you serious?” I said, “Do I look like I’m joking? He looks cool or he doesn’t have a good character?” He said, “He’s a calm guy.”
A week later, Ansah invited me to a place where that guy would be around. We were all seated at the same table. I was observing him to know if I would like him that much. After the night I told Ansah, “I don’t like him. He’s too dull for my liking.” He asked, “What do you mean he’s too dull?” I said, “The way he is, I will control him in the relationship and I don’t want that.” From that day on, Ansah would send me a photo of a guy and ask, “How about this one?” I would look at the photo critically and say something like, “He’s too tall, I don’t like him.” He would reply, “Just because he’s tall, you don’t like him? Then you’ll be single forever!”
The whole thing became like some sort of a comedy show.
I wasn’t desperate. It was Ansah who was desperate for me. I didn’t know why he was so desperate for me to start dating but I figured he wanted to set the mind of Rose free. If I was dating, then Rose wouldn’t think I was after his boyfriend. So, one day, Ansah sent me another photo. He said, “This one if you say yes to him today, he will marry you tomorrow. He’s my boss and he had specifically expressed interest in you.” I asked, “How? Where did he express his interest?” He said, “He’s my buddy and I’ve spoken to him a lot about you. He likes you already.” I said, “Great but I don’t like him.” He said, “He’s a nice person ooo. He has money too and he’s ready to settle down.” I said, “The ready-to-settle-down part is what I don’t like about him.”
He stopped trying when he realized I wasn’t serious about finding a date.
I was there when Ansah and his girlfriend celebrated their two years anniversary but the two of them couldn’t keep the grip on their relationship for another year. There were a lot of things Ansah didn’t tell me. They were having issues but he never opened up to me about it until they finally broke up. I was shocked when he sent me that message that the two of them were no longer together. I said, “What happened?” He said, “It’s a long story.” So we met the next day and he started narrating the troubles he had gone through with Rose; “There was this married man in her life. She always told me there was nothing between them until I found out that they were indeed dating. When I confronted her, she used the friendship I have with you as a shield. That I was dating you and dating her too so if there’s someone else in her life I shouldn’t complain.”
I said, “She’s daft to think that way. Let her go. She doesn’t deserve a kind man like you. She didn’t show remorse? She didn’t apologize? She rather made excuses? Who does that?” He said, “I loved her too much and she knew it. That is our downfall.”
He was single and I was single too. For close to a year, we were both single. When I had to go somewhere, I went with him. When he needed to be at a place with someone, I was there. One day he asked, “Are we too bad for each other that we can’t date?” I asked, “What are you talking about?” He said, “You know me better than anyone on this earth and I know you better than whoever might come your way in the future so what prevents us from dating? After all, the whole world knows we are dating.” I said, “I can’t date you. Please, you know too much of my secrets to be in a relationship with me.”
But coming to think of it, it made sense. Men will propose to me and I will tell them to give me time—time to know them better before I could say yes. I didn’t need extra time to know Ansah. I knew him from the soles of his feet to the last hair on his head so why not?
Kissing him the very first time was very awkward. It was like kissing a brother but he made it easier. He passed funny jokes that got me relaxed. Months later when I told my mom I was dating Ansah, she said, “Go away with your silly jokes. How can you date your friend?” Many people didn’t believe us. They thought we were pulling their legs until we sent out wedding invitations to them in February 2020.
We were on our honeymoon when the lockdown was announced. Everyone had fears for the unknown but we had just started our marital journey and were not ready to allow anything to stop us. We left the hotel and came home the very next day to continue our honeymoon in the house. December 2020, we welcomed our first child. We really made use of the lockdown and in the end, we were rewarded with a baby boy. Every hard work pays. Our hard work day and night during the lockdown paid off—a child, just nine months after marriage.
–Queenie
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