I broke up with my boyfriend I had dated for about 2 years at my mum’s insistence. Truth be told, the relationship was boring as I was the one driving the relationship. In my final year at the university, I decided to do away with boyfriend issues. All my focus was on learning since I wanted to make good grades to secure first-class. I had a friend, Maureen. We were very good friends and study mates. She was always talking about one of her brothers–Kwame, who was working in the USA. She spoke highly of him. One day, she showed me his picture and I said “Wow, your brother is so fine, please hook me up.” She replied, “My brother has a girlfriend already.” I responded, “She’s just a girlfriend and not married to him?” We laughed over it and carried on with our lives.

A few weeks later, her brother was in Ghana and visited her on campus. She told me, “My brother wants to see you.” I said, “Nooo, I don’t want to see him.” The truth is, I was too shy to meet him because of what I said about him. Fast forward, I and Maureen won scholarships to pursue a master’s degree abroad. I was going to the UK and Maureen had to go to Germany. Two weeks before our travel, she called to inform me that her brother had been transferred from the USA to the UK. She said, “He will be stationed in London so you can meet him when you’re in the UK.”

I arrived in the UK in mid-September and autumn had just begun.

I have dry skin which got worsened by the cold weather. The body butter I carried with me didn’t help. I remembered Maureen’s brother was coming to the UK in a week’s time so I contacted him via Facebook. I told him, “I learned you’ll be coming to the UK. I need your help.” He asked, “How may I help?” I said, “The butter I’m using here isn’t helping my skin at all and I’ve tried to get a different one that could help but I’m finding it difficult to get any. Could you bring me some when you’re coming to the UK?” He answered, “Why not?”

When he arrived, I went to his place to collect my stuff. After meeting him, I wasn’t enthused about his personality. He didn’t talk much. He sat and stare as I did most of the talking. I thought to myself “He’s not even fine as I perceived him to be.” Right there, I decided not to contact him again. Two weeks later, I saw an unknown number calling my phone. I picked and it was Kwame. He said, “I’m calling to check up on you.” I said, “That’s very thoughtful of you.” The calls became frequent and the more we spoke I began to see him in a different light than I judged him. I realized he acted maturely and thought deeply about every action he took.

During Christmas, he invited me to attend his company’s Xmas party with him which I gladly accepted. The party was on a Friday so I stayed that weekend with him sharing the same room and bed with him. On Saturday night just before we went to bed, we argued about who should turn off the light. None of us was ready to get up and turn off the light. I wanted to win so I threw in a promise; “If you get up and walk to the switch and turn it off, I will give you a peck on your return.” He quickly ran to turn the lights off and came asking for a kiss. I told him; “I was only joking.” He said, “You promised so you have to deliver no matter what.” He was insistent so I decided to fulfill my side of the bargain.

I was very nervous because I was a bad kisser. He calmed me down and we kissed. I promised only a peck but we ended up kissing passionately. I asked him, “Is it true that you have a girlfriend?” He said, “Yeah, I do.” I liked his honesty so I stopped myself from discussing his relationship or girlfriend. From that day forward, we talked like we were lovers, he traveled to visit me and yes, we enjoyed each other’s company. I was 22 years that night when I gave it all away to him. The ‘cookie.’ It was my first time ever with a man. And that happened a year after I had met him.

I was young. I felt it was an opportunity for me to be adventurous. I thought I was having fun without the commitment that came with it. I trusted him and did not regret anything we did. Anytime we were together, I would excuse him if he had to talk to his girlfriend. He was kind, thoughtful, respectful, and made time for me although I wasn’t his girlfriend. We had honest conversations about what was going on between the two of us and even thought of staying away from each other. But each time we went away, days later we would be on the phone talking about how we missed each other.

In 2013, I returned to Ghana after my master’s program. Although I was in Ghana, we talked every single day until late into the night. He told me of his plans of visiting Ghana later that same year. I decided to see him for the last time, have some good time with him, and then cut him off when he returns to the UK. I was ready for a serious relationship and didn’t see any future with him.

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During his visit to Ghana, we made a trip to Takoradi and really had a good time. Everything was super on that trip. Maybe it was because I intended it to be the last. On our last day, I asked him.  “When last did you see your girlfriend?” He replied, “I don’t have a girlfriend anymore.” I thought he was joking or trying not to hurt my feelings because Maureen had hinted to me that he was coming down to Ghana to do the knocking ceremony with his girlfriend. But he said they were no longer together. I believed him because he had never lied to me.

He proposed to me when he returned to the UK. I had fears. I feared what people would think of me. “Maureen. What would she take me for? Won’t people call me a man snatcher?” But then, the trust I had for him made me stronger. I never doubted his faithfulness because ever since I met him he’d been nothing but honest and truthful about everything. So, I said yes to his proposal.

A year later we got married.

It’s been 7 years together with two beautiful kids. We’ve had our fair share of ups and downs but in all, we assure each other of our undying love and commitment to our marriage. We reminisce about our early days and it always brings back some spark into our marriage. Sometimes, we find love in the strangest circumstances.

–Dee

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