Nine years ago, I was on a bus traveling to Sunyani when I met him. He had a huge sense of humor and a gentle aura that drew me to him. He was wearing a wedding ring, but that didn’t do much to stop me from admiring the kind of person he was. From the bus, we became friends. Ten months after our meeting, he proposed. I said yes.

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It may sound easy the way I’ve written it, but in reality, things were hard. However, when love is involved and you understand each other’s situation and are open with each other, things become easier. My family was concerned when it got to the point where we decided to get married regardless. His wife didn’t take things lying down. She thought I was the enemy, but I knew the intentions of my heart.

My family eventually relented and gave us their blessings. His family did too. So, eight years ago, we had our traditional wedding in the presence of everyone who mattered in our lives.

A couple of years down the line, his first wife became like a sister to me. I call her “Our first wife,” and we have developed a unique bond that makes us look out for each other.

During COVID, when our husband lost his job and the first wife also had challenges with her trading business, I was the one who came through for both families. I took care of our home in Accra and sent money to the first wife in Sunyani to support her business.

I lost my mother when I had my second-born. Life was tough for me, but my co-wife gave up everything she was doing in Sunyani and traveled to Accra to take care of us for over seven weeks. Sometimes, I’m amazed at how easily things work among us. If someone had told me at the beginning that life would be this easy for the three of us, I would have shaken my head in disbelief. But today, look at us.

We share a joint account among the three of us where we contribute money for a rainy day. We’re not perfect, but we’re happy. My husband’s job is thriving, and I’m stable in my career. The first wife is also doing very well in her trading business. She has two kids, and I also have two kids. We talk regularly about our lives, kids, and future plans. We’re both building homes in our respective locations. Our love and commitment to each other are real.

So when I come online and hear people speak badly about our kind of marriage and seek to demonize it, I get worried. I tell myself, “They don’t know what they’re talking about.”

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Life is short, and people should be allowed to choose what suits them. I’m not saying this kind of marriage will suit everybody. I’m saying that just because society dictates one man, one wife doesn’t mean it’s the only way. I’m a second wife and happy. Our husband is happy, and “Our first wife” is happy. Isn’t happiness the ultimate goal of marriage?

—Adjoo

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