My Husband Wants To Have His Name On My Properties

I don’t know what everyone saw in him but anyone I introduced him to as my boyfriend had one or two issues to tell me about my guy. My friend Efe told me, “This guy looks so aggressive for my liking. Are you sure he’s really into this?” My mom said, “You’re five years older than him, do you think he doesn’t mind the age gap?” If my dad was alive, I believe he would have also had issues with the age gap between us but he was dead and gone so my mom took his place. She said, “Your dad would have had issues with this gentleman. There’s something about him that doesn’t look right.” 

The age gap wasn’t really an issue for us. When I got to know his age from the beginning of the relationship, I told him, “I don’t think this will work. You’re twenty-eight. I’m thirty-three. If people get to know about this, they’ll definitely talk about it. Do you think your family will even allow you to marry a woman who’s five years older than you?” He told me he didn’t have a problem with it and that we are not going to marry to satisfy people. “If we have to marry, then we are going to marry because we love each other. Age doesn’t mean anything. You’ve known me for a while and you haven’t disrespected me in any way. You’re doing better than me in life but you still haven’t used that as a reason to disrespect me so why can’t we have a loving relationship regardless of age?” 

We dated for almost two years and got married. I had the bigger place so he moved in with me. Before he moved in, I was living with my mom. Right after marriage, I had a discussion with my mom and she understood me. I told her, “This is a new beginning for us. We want to have a clean start and build something for the two of us first before we allow anyone to come in. Kindly go back home. Very soon, I’ll complete your building for you so you can move in permanently.” She gladly accepted to leave us because she saw the sense in what I was saying. 

My mom has three children. I’m the oldest. God being so good, I had a very good job right after school so I took the place of my dad when he died. I paid fees for my two other siblings until they completed school. As I write this, I’m the one paying for the masters of our last born. My intention right from the start was to build a house for my parents. My dad was alive when I bought the land. I was at the foundation level when dad died. His death stalled everything. After the burial, mom came to live with me so I forgot about the building for a while. When I got married and mom went back to the family house, I decided to pick up the project once again. 

I told my husband about it and he agreed. At some point, he asked, “So this project you’re doing, whose name is on it? Your mom?” I bought the land in my name. I wanted to do it in my father’s name but he objected to it saying, “You’ll bury us so definitely it will come back to you. Use your name. We are good being tenants.” That’s how the whole project ended up being in my name. I told my husband, “It’s in my name. Why the question though?” He answered, “Well, I’m thinking now that we are married and one, we should change it to reflect both our names?” 

For a second, I was taken aback. I didn’t know what to tell him because I didn’t know why that should be an issue. I asked him, “Is there anything wrong with it if I keep things as they are? Because I don’t see the need to change anything. This is something for my parents so why should we have our names on it? He kept ranting about the need to keep our things uniform as we are married. He backed his assertion with the local proverb; “When a woman buys a gun, it rests on the chest of a man.” We both couldn’t agree so we left it hanging there. I didn’t give him any impression that I was going to change the name on the building documents but every now and then, he’ll ask me when I’m going to make the change. 

I was using a company pickup during the time that we were dating. It got to a time the car started giving me issues because of its age. It spent more time at the workshop than on the road so the company threw me an option, either they buy me a new car and deduct it from my salary or I buy my own car so they pay for fuel and maintenance. I chose to buy my own car. I bought the car I think a couple of months before our wedding. I went with him to the showroom to help me choose the car. In the end, I bought what he suggested. I didn’t register the car until the new year. By the new year, we were married. When I was going to register the car, he asked me, “So this is also going to remain in your name? No name change on the documents?” 

Honestly, that question got me angry. It was so unexpected that it threw me off when he asked me. I asked, “What is it about you and name changes? Should I change the name on everything I own just because you married me? Why are you so insecure?” He got angry and started accusing me of calling him poor. Had it not been that day, I didn’t know insecure meant being poor. “When we got married you changed your name. There’s a reason why you changed your name. That’s because the two of us are now one. If we are one then what’s wrong if we both have our names on our properties?” 

“Ato, this marriage barely started. We don’t have properties together. We are talking about a car I bought before our wedding. We are talking about a building I started long ago before you even came into the picture so what are you talking about?” His final words were, “I knew this day will come when you’ll brush your richness on my face but I didn’t think it will come this soon. We haven’t made properties and you’re happy telling me this? I know that’s exactly what you tell your friends forgetting that we are a team and teams own everything together.” 

When we were dating, I never took anything from him because I knew he wasn’t doing well. He has all the good qualifications but the company he works for pays him a penny for that. Right from the word go, I told him to look for a new job but he never did. I didn’t push him. Men don’t like to be pushed around, else they’ll give you bad names so they can later hang you. It looked like his job made him happy so I stopped pushing. Wherever we went during those days, I paid for it. At some point, I had to give him money so he’ll be able to buy gifts for me. I didn’t care about that. I came for love and that was all that mattered to me. 

After marriage, we live in a house I rented. I’m not going to say I pay for everything around here but I take care of the majority of the bills around here. I do it wholeheartedly because I know my man and his financial status. What I wouldn’t do is change names on documents just to satisfy his ego and that has become the reason why we fight these days. We’ve been married for three years and I’ve had two consecutive miscarriages but this man doesn’t care about that. There’s not a single day that he has asked what I’m doing about my reproductive health. I go to hospitals and pay my own bills. I tell him I’m going to the hospital and he nods his head. He won’t ask questions and even when I return and tell him what the doctor said, he’ll act unconcerned. The only thing that calls his attention is properties. 

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I thought I had to address it so one evening I sat him down and we talked about it. “I’ve had two miscarriages. Does that make you scared? That we might not have kids?” He looked at my face as though I’m talking nonsense to him. I continued, “You’ve never shown any care in that direction. It looks like you’re not bothered about what I go through emotionally…” Before I could land, he retorted, “Your properties are yours but you want me to share your emotional burdens with you? Do you see how selfish you are? Good things are for you alone but you want me to share in your bad days? That’s also your property so keep it.” 

That day I cried. He saw me crying but he left the scene as if nothing is happening. I needed someone to talk to so I discussed it with my friend Efe. She told me, “You have to be very careful with him. If I were you, I won’t give birth for him until I’m sure of what he really wants in the marriage. What if he only came into the marriage because he knows you have money to take care of him? A man fighting for properties at this stage of your marriage is scary. You have to be careful.” 

I spoke to Efe because I needed solutions but she left me more confused and scared. I don’t want to go around discussing my marriage with people. It’s too early to invite people into my issue. I can’t talk to my mom about it too because I know where her support will go. I need unbiased opinions, that’s why I’m sharing my story here. Should I be scared? Or my husband is simply being insecure because I have things he doesn’t have? Efe makes it sound like a grand agenda where in the end, my husband will harm me. Do you think the same way? Kindly tell me something.