I lost my job, and instead of staying home doing nothing, I started a business with my savings. I sold household items, the easy-moving ones. I advertised on Facebook and also posted on my WhatsApp. Those who wanted anything would send me a message, and I would deliver it to them, sometimes personally, depending on how close they were.

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I did this for a year, but the business was going up and down. Some months were very good, and other months were terrible. While trying to grow my business, my husband’s mother suffered a stroke and developed sight problems, so he brought her to live with us so she could access medical care more easily.

He would go to work while I stayed home, ensuring his mother was well cared for. I never complained, not even once. Even when I had deliveries to make, I made sure she was properly cared for before I left for a few hours and came back.

Taking care of that woman was a full-time job. The annoying part was that my husband’s sisters would send money for their mother’s care, but my husband would sit on it, disbursing only a small portion for her upkeep while using the rest for himself.

I was home, but my husband still expected me to take financial responsibility because, according to him, I was working. If I told him I didn’t have money, he would get angry and ask what I was doing with the money I earned from sales.

“Sales are not always good,” I would say. He would respond, “Every day sales are not good, but the things you bring into this house don’t stay long. Are you selling to spiritual beings?”

I paid our son’s school fees when I had almost nothing. I paid his canteen fees too. When my in-law needed medication and I asked him to give me money, he would say, “So you mean you don’t have GHC50 to buy medicine for my mom? Would you do that to your own mother?”

I started applying for jobs because, to be honest, I wasn’t finding life easy at all. One day, I had an interview, and I told him I was going. He asked, “Since when did you start looking for jobs, and why are you running away from your own business?” I told him, “I need a consistent stream of income at this point. I can still do the business on the side.”

He didn’t fight me or discourage me from attending interviews until I landed a job that paid better than my previous one. When I happily told him I had been offered the job and would be starting at the beginning of the following month, he asked me, “So who is going to take care of my mom? Have you thought about that? Stop being lazy and concentrate on your own business. What’s so exciting about working for someone else?”

I laughed. This was coming from a man who woke up at dawn every day to go and work for someone else. I asked, “Aren’t you also working for someone else?” He retorted, “And do you think I’m happy doing it? I’ve been praying for your business to do well so I could invest in it and turn it into a family business. Now look at this.”

I stood my ground that I was going to take the job, so if the care of his mother was that important, he should pay someone to look after her. He screamed, “With what money? The same money that takes care of this household?” I answered, “No, with the money your sisters send every month.”

He denied receiving the money. He claimed it only came once in a while. He insisted I shouldn’t take the job but rather focus on my business. He even promised to invest GHC20,000 in it the following month.

I just shook my head. When the devil wants your downfall, I think he doesn’t come himself to do the work. He uses your husband.

I spent every day reminding him to find a solution to his mother’s care. He ignored me, so when it was time to start work, I woke up, prepared our son for school, and left the house with him. My husband watched me, thinking I was joking. I left for work, and he stayed behind with his mother.

The next day, he hired a woman he knew to come and help while we were away. My job is in Tema, so I have to wake up very early and commute from Accra. Sometimes I return home very late, but the salary is good, so I’m okay with it.

I came home late one evening, and my husband started ranting. “Look at the time you’re coming home as a married woman. The caretaker has gone, and I’m the only one left here to take care of the boy and my mom. Do you think this is how marriage works?”

We fought about this every morning. If I left before the caretaker arrived, it became a problem. If I returned after the caretaker had left, it became another problem. So not long ago, I told him, “I’m looking for a place to rent in Tema. It’s better than commuting every day and coming home late.”

He screamed, “What do you mean? If you don’t want this marriage, just say so. You’re going to live in Tema and leave us here for who to take care of us?”

“I’ll come home on weekends,” I said.

“Do you even listen to yourself when you speak?” he retorted. “So this boy and my mom become my problem now?”

I responded, “I can take our son with me. He’ll attend a new school, and we’ll come home on weekends.”

He went quiet for a moment before saying, “Do whatever pleases you.”

For the past few weeks, everyone who matters has called me, and they all want me to change my mind to save my marriage. I ask them, “So you all mean I should stop working and stay home?” No one has been able to answer that question.

We are married, but we hardly talk these days. He thinks I’m doing this to escape taking care of his mom, but I’m doing it for my own growth and to build my own financial strength.

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I’m the first child of my parents. I’ve seen financial shege while in the house, and that’s what I’m trying to prevent. I have parents and siblings who depend on me. My husband won’t lift a finger when my dad calls asking for financial help or when my brother asks for a favor.

Should I let my job go and risk my future and the future of those who depend on me? Definitely not. Or am I being selfish here?

—Rejoice

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