In January, my husband visited me in the UK for three weeks. At the time, I was moving out of a shared apartment because my housemates had relocated and I could not afford the rent alone. I stayed temporarily at a colleague’s place while waiting for checks to clear for my new job. Space was tight, so I had to put my belongings in storage unit and pay for the space.

During his visit, he spent about £1,850 on my credit card. He gave me £700 in cash and promised to repay the rest once his salary came in. Since then, it has been a cycle of excuses. He says, “I will pay you Monday,” but when Monday arrives, another reason follows. His latest line is, “I am investinf in a building project here in Ghana. I will sort you out when I am done.”

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Over the last three months, he has sent two partial payments of £550 and £400, but a balance remains. To protect my credit score, I have used my own salary to cover his spending. Balancing that against my own bills has been exhausting. Right now, I am trying to secure a new rental. Between the deposit, rent in advance, and moving costs, my savings are drained. To make matters worse, I have a period of unpaid leave coming up. This means I will have no income for several weeks.

I have gone over it again and again in my head. At some point, it starts to feel like I am waiting for money to fall from the sky. I feel the weight of it when I wake up and when I try to sleep. I have barely asked him for help before this, apart from what he spent during that visit. Still, I am left here, counting and stretching.

He earns over £ 5,000  a month. He pays no rent and has no bills because his company covers everything. Before this, I had never asked him for a single pound.

Because of my anger, I have said things I cannot take back. Words that should have been filtered came out without restraint.

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When I pick up the phone, I whisper to myself to stay calm and speak gently. I tell myself to just ask him for the money. I breathe in and breathe out, rehearsing patience. But the moment his voice comes through, my own rises. I am already shouting because he is being unreasonable. His words feel like walls, and I crash against them.

I do not know if I am asking too much or if my expectations are fair. All I know is that I need to find a way to ask him for the rest of the money.

—Denise

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