My husband sent his younger brother abroad with all his savings. I was mad. We could hardly feed ourselves sometimes, and each time I complained, he told me he was investing his money in our building project, which was why he couldn’t afford what he used to afford. We split responsibilities down the middle when we got married. I knew my part, and I played it exactly how it was meant to be played, but when it got to his turn, he would give me excuses.

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Unbeknownst to me, he was saving to help his younger brother travel abroad. He didn’t tell me that was what he was doing, but during a phone conversation with his mom, it came out. His mother wanted money from him. He got angry on the phone and started ranting. I was close enough to hear him speak. He said, “How do you people think I get money? I’ve used every dime I have to fund Kobby’s travel abroad, but you keep asking me for money as if I pluck money from trees.”

I confronted him after the phone conversation with his mom, and it became an exchange of words. He told me his brother would pay back every dime he had invested, and even pay interest on it. I asked him, “How do we feed while waiting for him to repay? How do we pay the fees of our two kids?” He didn’t give any coherent answer apart from “God will do it.”

We operated with very little. We cut excesses so we wouldn’t have to spend unnecessarily. Life had suddenly become hard, but we were managing.

During the school vacation, his younger brother’s kids came to visit. It was the first time these two kids had come to stay with us. He didn’t tell me they were coming until they arrived. I didn’t have any problem with it—why not? Their dad had traveled, and maybe they wanted to experience the warmth of a father figure, so they came around.

When school was about to resume and I thought they would be leaving soon, my husband started looking for schools for these two kids around our area. I asked him why, and he told me the kids would be staying with us for a while, so they needed to attend school. “A while? Why do they need to attend school if they’re only going to stay with us for a while?”

He explained that their mother was going back to school and would be away for two years, so the kids needed a place to live during that time. I was so livid it turned into laughter. “What are they going to eat? Who is going to pay their fees and everything concerning their schooling?” He told me their father would send money monthly to cater for all that.

I couldn’t fight to send them away, so they stayed. He paid their fees while expecting me to pay the fees of our own kids. He told me, “This is not my money I’m using to pay—it’s from their father.” I asked, “The same father who hasn’t paid you what he owes is now paying their fees?”

Now our home is split into two. He takes care of his brother’s children while I take care of mine. It has been this way for several months, but I feel like my husband is making a fool out of me. He’s manipulating me to take on responsibilities he himself should handle, so I told him, “I don’t have anything more to give. You pay what you’re supposed to pay, and then I’ll support you. If you can’t, let the kids starve.”

Last week, when they were preparing to go to school, I asked them to go to their dad for money for feeding, and they went. He followed them back to ask me why, and I told him, “You’re paying for your brother’s children. Pay for yours too.”

I walked out and left the kids in his care. He did pay, but complained bitterly. When it came to housekeeping money, I went back to him to provide. He said he didn’t have money, and this time he was firm about it. I didn’t argue. I went out and bought food for my kids. He wasn’t around. When he came back, he assumed everyone had eaten until his brother’s kids told him they hadn’t.

He came to ask me why, and I told him I bought what my money could cover. He looked like he was about to cry. He called me names and even said he regretted marrying a woman like me. I told him, “Do you think I’m celebrating because I married a man like you?”

If he were a transparent husband who was ready to run a stable home, he would have given me what he claims his brother sends for the children and asked me to combine it with mine to run the household. But he doesn’t. He wants to dictate how he uses his money and also dictate how I use mine. This isn’t going to work, and he knows it.

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So going forward, everything is on him. When push comes to shove and he says he doesn’t have money, I will feed my kids and leave his brother’s children to him.

Am I being wicked? Sometimes I know it’s not the children’s fault, but what can I do? I can’t stretch myself thin while he behaves as if everything is fine. Or am I failing to be a virtuous wife?

—Adjo

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