I was adopted at a very tender age by my cousin who for some reason was unable to bear children. I stayed with my adopted family for over twenty-three years before my adopted father was called to glory. Growing up with them was good for me. We were a nearly perfect close family.

My father was a priest while my mother was a government worker. Although my mum could not biologically have children, my father had three children from his previous marriage. They were both divorced so they did not leave their marriage to chance. They put in the work needed to make it work. And they treated me as they would a child they birthed themselves. I lacked nothing.

I developed a love for the work of God and the things of God by watching them. The dedication with which my father prayed for the sick and visited them was an inspiration. He was also counseling his church members, and showing up for important events in their lives like weddings, naming ceremonies, burial services, and baptism services. He enjoyed being there for people.

By watching him, I also became active in the children’s service. I participated in every play, recital, and choreography that took place. I did all this so I could walk in my father’s footsteps. I wanted him to be proud of me.

We had the most fun during Easter. It was his favorite season. People from far and near showed up just to listen to him preach. People often said he was anointed. They said they got healing and direction by just listening to him preach. This man is a vibe, with a very sweet melodious voice. In between his preaching, he would sing and the whole auditorium would be filled with the anointing of God. He was loved and he also loved and cared for all especially me. The love he had for me was unwavering.

I admired him so much that I prayed to God to give me a husband who would care for me the way he did. I also asked that this husband of mine would be as patient and gentle with me as my father was with my mother. Yes, just like most couples, they had their fair share of problems. One thing I liked was that none of their arguments ever had to do with cheating. do fight most of the time but their arguments had nothing to do with cheating. It was mostly about how overly generous my father was.

You would hear her say “How can we become rich when you keep being so kind to almost everyone? My father mostly never argued with her but allowed her to be the woman she is. Despite everything, he still provided our needs and was always present for us.

It was only when he traveled outside the country that he was not there for us. And whenever he returned from his trips, he would send my mum and me outside the country to spend a few weeks there as well. The man really spoiled us. My mother was mostly happy because she had a good man who loved her so much. It was the kind of marriage I desired and prayed for.

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They made marriage so beautiful that I was always dreaming of getting married. My father helped with house chores. He would clean the ceiling fan, cook (even though he wasn’t good at it), and help with homework. Sometimes he would take me out for ice cream, or to visit a friend. Whatever he did, we came first. There was never a conflict between us and another woman.

A year and a few months after he passed, I got married. Before we got married, my husband exhibited all the characteristics I wanted in a husband. However, this man changed completely two weeks after marriage. He is now the exact opposite of the kind of man I want for myself. I always go out of my way to please him and make him feel special but he hardly even appreciates my efforts.

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I have made a lot of compromises just so we wouldn’t have misunderstandings but my husband refuses to make any compromises or sacrifices for our marriage’s sake. This is not the example of marriage I saw growing up and this is definitely not the kind of marriage I want to be in for the rest of my life.

There are times I consider getting a divorce but we have a son together. And my son is obsessed with his father so it makes it difficult for me to decide on what to do. I am wondering, is it better for me to stay in this unhappy marriage because of my child? Or I should just leave while things haven’t gone too far yet? Is there hope that my husband will ever be the kind of man my father was?

—Jasper

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