My husband was sick recently and was admitted to the hospital. It was a urinary issue, so he had to go through a catheterization procedure. He protested that he didn’t want a female nurse to do it. For several minutes, he kept saying no. They told him there was no one else available to do it except the female nurses. I was there and kept wondering what was really going on.

Later, when he finally agreed for the nurse to do it, I left the ward. When I returned, the procedure had been done, but throughout the day he gave me an attitude. He was sick and couldn’t urinate, yet he still had the strength to give me an attitude. I even thought he had an issue with the nurse, but that wasn’t it. This continued for several days until he was discharged.

When we got home, he asked why I left the ward when the nurse was about to start the procedure. I answered, “But was I supposed to be there? I left because they usually don’t allow others to watch.”

He called me a liar and said calmly, “If at this point in our lives you’re still embarrassed about my size, there’s no point in being with me.”

I was like, “Huh! How does that have anything to do with size? I didn’t know I was supposed to be there.”

We’ve been married for eleven years. It was only once that I ever talked about his size, and even then, he brought up the conversation himself. I simply said, “What’s important is that it still works.”

I knew he was insecure about it, but I never thought it was this deep. The nurses also didn’t help the situation while fixing the catheter. He said the nurses saw it and grinned mischievously. How is that my fault?

We have three children after eleven years of marriage. What can I do after all these years to make him feel at ease about something I truly don’t care about? I don’t wake up thinking, “Oh God, why did you give my husband this small?” It doesn’t even cross my mind, but to him, he thinks he’s my embarrassment. I need help so I can help him.

—Doris

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