I’ve been married to my husband for almost four years, and we have a three-year-old son. Overall, he’s been an amazing man. He provides for our family, and I too work and contribute financially. We are completely transparent with our finances. We both put our salaries on the table, we know exactly how much each other earns, and we plan our monthly expenses together. In that regard, we’ve always worked as a team.

However, my biggest challenge has always been our sex life.

Before I got married, I had never been with any man. My husband is my first. My husband, on the other hand, isn’t. He had many sexual experiences before me. The first crack in our marriage began to show the day after we got married. I realized I was struggling with penetration, and it has been difficult for me ever since. Even before I got pregnant with our son, shuperu was painful. It’s not because he neglects foreplay. In fact, he’s very good at it. But the moment it gets to penetration, I tense up, panic, and the experience becomes painful every single time.

I was hoping things would get better after childbirth. Unfortunately, they didn’t. Even after having a baby, intercourse is still painful for me.

FOLLOW US ON WHATSAPP CHANNEL TO RECEIVE ALL STORIES IN YOUR INBOX

I am also dealing with a huge difference in our sex drive. I have been of the idea that being intimate two or three times a week would be reasonable. My husband, however, wants sex every single day. Monday, Wednesday, Friday, every day. Even if his schedule allows, he would rather you give it to him morning, afternoon, and night. As for me, I cannot.

Along the way, I decided to stop resisting and just allow it to happen. If you want it, just tap me and I am all yours. I won’t fight you or complain about how tiring the previous day was or how long the day ahead will be and how much I need my sleep. Anything to make you happy. It was supposed to stop the constant fights in the bedroom, but instead it brought another problem to the surface. He started complaining that I never initiate intimacy and that he doesn’t feel desired by me.

It’s not that I don’t desire him. He’s almost always the one initiating, so I hardly get the opportunity to do so myself. Whenever there’s a quiet moment, I’d honestly rather rest than think about initiating intimacy because I’m already exhausted. Still, when he expressed that concern, I made a conscious effort to improve. Whenever I wanted it, I would throw signals around the whole day and even at night. I met him halfway.

Sadly, that doesn’t seem to matter. At every opportunity, he still brings up the fact that I don’t initiate enough, and it has become a recurring complaint.

Some months ago, something happened to me. One morning I woke up and could barely walk. I couldn’t bear weight on part of my body. Since then, I’ve been in and out of hospitals, undergoing different tests, but I still don’t have a concrete diagnosis. My condition changes from time to time, and the uncertainty has taken a huge emotional and physical toll on me.

In this difficult season, I was expecting my husband to give me some grace and understanding. Instead, he still wants sex almost every day, in spite of what is happening to me.

A few mornings ago, I was in so much pain. I woke up with a terrible headache, and to make matters worse, I had started my period. Since intercourse wasn’t an option, he asked me to give him oral sex instead. I wasn’t physically or emotionally capable of doing that.

Because I said no, he’s now refusing to talk to me. This isn’t the first time. Whenever he wants sex and doesn’t get it, he withdraws and gives me the silent treatment.

I can’t help but feel objectified. It feels like the one thing that matters most to him is sex.

To make matters worse, immediately after sex, he goes right back to his phone. It’s only when he wants intimacy that he puts the phone aside and gives me his attention. Once he’s satisfied, he’s back on his phone, and I’m left alone. That has been our pattern for a long time.

Right now, I don’t feel seen. I don’t feel understood. I don’t feel like he appreciates the pain I’m in or the emotional burden I’m carrying. I feel pressured to meet his sexual needs, regardless of my own physical or emotional state.

So I genuinely want to ask married couples: Is this normal? Is this what marriage is like? Do your husbands expect sex every day, regardless of whether you’re sick, exhausted, or simply not in the right frame of mind?

I’m asking because I’m getting very tired. I cannot do this again. His sexual demands are becoming overwhelming, and I’m beginning to feel like walking away from this marriage.

I Called My Girlfriend And Another Man Answered The Phone

To be completely honest, there are moments when I wish I could just disappear. The only things keeping me going are my son and my mother. They are the reason I continue to hold on. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if my feelings are valid. I just know that I’m exhausted, heartbroken, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep living like this.

—AKUA

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

#SB<>