In 2017, we got married as young people very much in love. My husband’s dream was to become a wealthy man who could provide for his family without hesitation, while mine was simpler but just as firm: to be a good wife, a Proverbs 31 kind of woman. In many ways, we seemed like a perfect match because where one of us lacked, the other was ready to step in.

About a year into the marriage, he began asking me for money to start one business or another, telling me he was investing in different ventures and needed financial support to get them off the ground. My salary was modest, but I never hesitated to help him, and I went as far as taking loans from lending institutions just so I could support his dreams. I believed that if he succeeded, we would all benefit as a family.

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I stood by him, encouraged him, and prayed for him every day. While taking these loans on his behalf, I was still responsible for running the household and meeting our daily needs with the same small salary. It was not easy, but I convinced myself that every sacrifice was an investment in our shared future.

Unfortunately, I later discovered I had been deceiving myself, because the future I thought we were building together existed only in my mind. Looking back now, I realize much of what I endured was taken for granted. My husband did not respect me; he spoke to me anyhow he pleased, called me names, and treated me in ways no wife deserves. We were in a long-distance marriage, so we rarely saw each other, yet even that did not change how much I tried to hold things together without complaint.

One of my biggest mistakes was keeping everything to myself. I am not someone who makes friends easily, so I had no one to confide in, and I never discussed my marital problems with relatives or even my parents. Like many married women, I had been taught that not everything happening in a marriage should be shared with outsiders, so I suffered in silence and carried my burdens alone.

I am now a divorced woman of 38 years with two children. Traditionally, we are divorced and have absolutely nothing to do with each other, and we are only waiting for the ordinance marriage to be formally dissolved so everything can finally come to an end.

My current problem is that he owes me about ¢20,000, not including the interest that should have accrued. I have tried sending people, including respected individuals, to help me recover the money, but nothing has worked.

Life has become extremely difficult. My salary is very small, yet I have two children to feed, clothe, and care for, and I am drowning in debt because of the loans I took for his sake.  Every day feels like a struggle to keep my head above water.

Men Don’t Like It When Women Do The Paying

Recently, I had no choice but to report him to DOVVSU, and they ordered him to contribute six hundred cedis every month toward the upkeep of our children. Even with that arrangement in place, I still have to call and text him repeatedly before he sends the money, because nothing comes willingly.

The shame, pressure, and frustration are becoming too much to bear, and I feel as though I am slowly dying inside.

Please, how can I go about recovering my money? That is all I want, for him to pay back the money he owes me. It was never his money to begin with. Every cedi came from my sweat, my sacrifices, and the loans I took in my own name because I trusted him and believed in our future. I trusted him enough to put my financial stability on the line, and now I am the one carrying the burden while he moves on with his life.

—Golda

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