I met him eight years ago through my younger sister. Things got heated between us really fast and within three months of our meeting, I was pregnant with his child. I was concerned about how disappointed my parents would feel. I imagined all the people who would whisper my name through the streets as the girl who got pregnant out of wedlock. My boyfriend and I decided it was best we got married immediately before the signs begin to show.

A couple of weeks before we got married a woman texted me; “The man you are about to marry is my serious boyfriend. I’ve been with him longer than you have been with him. I even got pregnant for him at some point but he made me get rid of it. You don’t know this man like you think you do. Please be warned.”

I didn’t bother replying to the text. I forwarded it to my boyfriend. I assumed he took care of it because the girl never contacted me again. When my sister found out I was getting married to the guy she introduced me to, she objected to it. She fought tooth and nail to stop me from getting married to him. I didn’t understand why and I didn’t care to find out. I was pregnant with his child so we had to get married as soon as possible. It didn’t matter that I didn’t know him well enough. I told myself, “We’ll figure things out as we go along.”

His job had transferred him out of Accra so most of our interactions were via phone. It made it harder for me to get to know him in person but we pushed through and got married. I thought everything went perfectly until I saw our wedding video. At a point in the ceremony, my husband’s ex-girlfriend showed up and the camera captured them arguing. It looked like the cameraman didn’t know what was going on so he captured it anyway.

After watching the clip, I asked myself; “How was he able to carry on with the program as if nothing was amiss? If I missed this then what else did I miss?” That was when it dawned on me that I really didn’t know my husband as much as I thought I knew him. We had a baby but that didn’t stop me from trying to find out what I was missing.

I got close to his secretary and she fed me information about his daily affairs. I only had to ask the questions and she would tell me the answer. She didn’t spell things out clearly but she gave me enough pointers to suspect my husband might be having an affair.

I got an opportunity to search through his phone and I didn’t miss it. After going through his phone, I nearly collapsed. I found out that he dated a colleague of mine I introduced to him some time ago. We were yet to get married when that affair happened. He was also flirting with the lady who worked on my hair. Again, he got involved with one of his ex-girlfriends who was married. He had a girlfriend at his workplace and also had another one at a university closer to where he lived. The secretary who I turned to for information was also one of the girls my husband was hitting on. There were many others that I don’t even remember. I saw the signs from the beginning and I ignored them. I felt it was too late. I had to accept things as they were and carry on with the marriage.

I got pregnant again. I was pregnant when I found out that my husband and sister dated while they were at the university. He is actually my sister’s first—the man who broke her walls. I was shocked! I was like, “Why didn’t they tell me right from the start? Why will my sister hide such a thing from me?” I am sure if she told me, I wouldn’t have gotten close to him, let alone find myself married to him.

My sister confessed her past with my husband to my mother after my husband had tried to sleep with her again. My sister traveled to where my husband works for a project and I advised her to stay with my husband. While there, my husband tried to carry out his evil agenda. I should have left him after knowing what he tried to do to my sister, right? No, I didn’t leave him.  I still stayed with him. I don’t know why but I couldn’t leave him.

Along the line, he lost his job and was home for two years. Unemployment changed him. He was no longer going about trying to sleep with everything in skirts. I bore the responsibility of our household and motivated my husband till he got back on his feet again. He got a job that took him to the northern region. When he was leaving, he seemed like a changed man so I felt secure.

A couple of months later, he switched back to default. He had a job and had the means so he broke free from the humility he exhibited while unemployed. I wanted to visit him with the kids but he said no. I asked why and all he did was give me excuses. I could see through his lies. His excuses were transparent and it was obvious to him that I knew the truth but he didn’t care.

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I ran out of patience. One day, I packed my things and that of the kids and traveled up north to visit him. When I got there, I gathered that he was dating a northern woman who was older than me. When I confronted him with my suspicions he said, “There is nothing going on between us. What I have with her is a business relationship. The two of us have been working on a business idea, that’s why we are so close.” Later he changed his story about the relationship between him and the woman. He said, “I’m working on leaving the country and the woman is the one helping me.”  He told me the woman had connections and she’d been going in and out of the USA.

“I am just stringing her along for the benefits.”

I was shocked he had the courage to tell me that. I asked him, “So you will have an affair and break your marriage vows because you want to leave the country?”

I asked for a separation and came back home.

While in the Northern Region, I met a woman who is also from the south. She took me as her sister and she always called to give me information about my husband’s activities. From what she is saying, my husband is dating three women over there. She encourages me to visit often but I know that won’t change anything so I don’t bother. Cheating flows in his blood and nothing can help. There is so much I want to add but he is on this page. He’ll know if I go in too deep.  I will come back later with updates when something happens after the separation.

—Sadie

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