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My senior sister got married at the age of twenty-six. Her husband was twenty-nine when the two of them got married. I was there and witnessed everything; the happiness on my mother’s face the day they came to do the wedding. The ceaseless joy in my father’s demeanor the day the wedding happened. They were proud parents and everything showed. So that day, I thought of my own wedding day and dreamed of how it would make them happy, especially my dad. He always doubted if I was ever going to get married because he thought I was a womanizer.
I was twenty-seven when I introduced Akwele to them as my girlfriend. I was then working and earning money. I was living in my father’s house so I didn’t have to worry about rent, utilities, and food. That helped me a lot in my financial situation. I saved a lot of money. At twenty-seven I looked into my bank account and said to myself, “Boy you’re ready to take that giant step.” But that introduction didn’t go as I expected. Both my mom and dad were indifferent about the whole introduction. I didn’t see that happy smile from my mom and I didn’t see that proud grin on my dad’s face.
When Akwele left, my dad called me on the side and said, “You’re only twenty-seven. There’s a lot more to do in life than to think about marriage. Do you have land?” I said no. He asked, “Do you have a car?” I said no. He asked again, “Have you ever paid rent before?” I said no. He said, “Then why the rush? You’re a man. You need to put your life together before you think about marriage.”
Somehow, I understood him but what I took from his concerns was the rent part. I decided to rent my own place and leave his house so I can marry. I was in a good financial position to do all that. When I told him I was looking for a place to rent, he asked, “Is it because I said you should rent before you think about marriage?” I said, “No, I just want to go out there and experience how it is to be my own man.” He said, “Forget it. There are many rooms in this house. Your sister was here until she married and you’re going to do the same.”
I was confused but I let it slide. The following year, when my relationship with Akwele was about five years old, I went to my dad again, “Dad, I’m ready. I and Akwele have decided to…” He cut me off; “Decided to what? Everyday Akwele, don’t you have anything else to do with your time than to follow Akwele around as though you’re her puppet? The way you mention her name before you say anything, I suspect she’s controlling you.” I was shocked by his antics but as usual, I was patient with him.
I was patient with my parents but Akwele kept getting agitated. He thought I was dragging my feet and rather using my parents as an excuse. I told her, “I’m ready to marry but these old folks are the ones pulling me down. I don’t know what they want to see before they allow me to get married. She said, “Let’s meet them again together. This time you have to be straightforward and tell them what you intend to do. When I’m with you, I think they would be considerate.
One Saturday afternoon Akwele came to visit with the intention to meet my parents. I was in the room with her when my mother shouted my name from the kitchen, “Ablorh, “Come and fan the fire for me.” She was preparing banku. There were other younger cousins around but I was the one she called to fan the banku fire. I went with an angry face but she didn’t even look at my face. I did the fanning until she finished preparing the banku. I went inside to sit with Akwele, waiting for my father to be home so we meet him. Minutes later she called again, “Ablorh, “Charcoal is finished, go and buy some for me some.”
All of a sudden, my mother was bent on making me look like a child in the presence of my girlfriend. I ignored her. She called several times but I wasn’t ready to run that silly errand. Immediately my dad came, she ran to him to make a complaint; “Can you believe Ablorh ignored me because of that his girlfriend? He wouldn’t run errands for me because the girlfriend is in the room with him.” My dad turned the heat on me calling me a lot of names. I was quiet through it all but I said to myself, “I will leave this house for you soon then you’ll learn to respect me.”
That day, Akwele told me, “It’s not about you. It’s about me. Your parents don’t like me and it’s obvious in the way they treat you in my presence. They can’t tell you to leave me so they are doing everything to push me away.”
Our relationship hasn’t been the same since then. I know Akwele is fed up. She’s not taking my words again. But I love her so much. We’ve been together all this while because of the mad love we have for each other. Her parents treat me like a king anytime I go to their house but I can’t understand why my parents can’t extend the same courtesy to her.
READ ALSO: Nine Years Later, I’m Finally Getting Married To My Best Friend Next Weekend
Weeks ago, she gave me an ultimatum. She said, “If I don’t see anything before the year ends, trust me, I will advise myself. There are men chasing after me and I’ve said no to all of them because of you but you can’t seem to do anything about your parents’ situation. We have up to the end of the year. You better make something happen.”
I don’t want to lose her. I will do everything to keep her by my side but I don’t know why my parents are doing that to me. I’ve asked my father on several occasions if it’s about the kind of girl I want to marry. He said, “It’s not about her. It’s about you. You’re too young to marry. What have you accomplished in life?” Since when did marriage become an issue of accomplishments? I’m at the end of my wit. What can I do for them to trust that I’m old enough to marry? Currently, I’m planning to leave the house but I’m scared leaving the house would make the situation worse for me. I need help.
–Ablorh
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