I’m a daddy’s girl, I have always been. My husband knew this when we got married. He said that was one of the things he liked about me. “If you have a healthy relationship with your father, then you will love me right,” he explained. Well, he is not wrong. Our marriage is usually a peaceful one.

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Although I have a career, my husband believes in traditional values. By this I mean, he believes it’s his job as the man of the house to provide everything we need at home. He doesn’t let me contribute to a single bill, let alone pay for it. He says doing it all is what makes him feel like a man. So usually, I spend my money on getting him gifts and buying stuff for our kids.

While my husband pays for everything in the home, my dad also sends me monthly allowances. He knows I don’t need it but he says he doesn’t want my husband to feel too burdened by our finances. “Even if you have no use for it now, save it for a rainy day,” he tells me. This should be good for us, right?

Well, it’s beginning to cause problems in our marriage. My husband says it makes him feel he is not man enough to take care of me. We have three children in school, and their fees are very expensive. My dad’s money could help ease the burden but my husband won’t have it. Meanwhile, his mother brings us foodstuff and other things we need for the house. I don’t complain but he has a problem with my dad’s provision.

I am currently pursuing a master’s degree. It is my dad who pays my fees. He also gives me money to cover my fuel expenses. Needless to say, this doesn’t please my husband. “Your father is spoiling you,” he jokes sometimes. Oh, but it’s not a joke. One time he even said, “I feel your father is competing with me, and it’s not fair. I am unhappy if I am not the reason behind your smiles.”

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However, from the way I see it, he is the one competing with my dad. For example, on our wedding anniversary, my dad asked what I wanted him to get me as a gift. I told him, “I need a new laptop.” When my husband heard it, he rushed to buy me one immediately. I had to find a way to tell my dad not to bother with the laptop anymore, even though I knew he would have bought one with better specs.

The car I drive has gotten old and gets faulty every now and then. My husband offered to buy me a small one to replace it. I told him it was fine for two reasons. One: he is already shouldering all the financial responsibilities. So I felt it would be selfish of me to let him spend money on a new car for me. Two: I knew the car I actually wanted wouldn’t fit into his budget.

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So recently, I asked my dad to buy me a new car. When hubby found out he got upset. He says I’m belittling him in front of my dad, and that my dad will see him as less of a man. Honestly, it’s not true. The man just wants to help us live a comfortable life. Is that wrong?

Hubby’s attitude is becoming upsetting. I can’t even freely tell him anymore when my monthly allowances come in. We’ve always been transparent with each other but now I feel like hiding the things my old man does for me because his jealousy is getting out of hand.

— Allison

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