Love gave me a second chance when my first marriage did not work out. His name is Derrick. We have been married just shy of a year, and I brought my son into this new life with us. Derrick had never been married before and has no other children.

This new life has been amazing. Everything I have ever wanted is right here looking back at me.

But lately, my husband’s insecurities are growing, and I am scared of what they might do to us if I do not find a way to fix this.

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I have always been comfortable around men. I grew up with brothers, and I have kept a close group of friends, my “homeboys,” as they like to call themselves. We have been tight for years. I understand how men think, and I notice the signs. Honestly, I have always found it easier to form friendships with the opposite sex. It is just friendship, good vibes, nothing more. That is not to say I do not have female friends. I do. My closest circle is mixed.

These friends are all seriously committed to their own partners, so this is not about Derrick worrying they will give me bad advice. They have thriving relationships and have been in my life long before he came along. I am a real homebody. My routine is basically work, church, and home.

Sometimes, when there is a work project, I collaborate with one of them. Like Michael. We have done a few projects together over the years. That is all it is, even though Michael asked me out once, a long time ago. I gently turned him down, offered friendship instead, and he took it calmly. Now he is happily married, and we have remained just friends.

When I met Derrick, I explained all of this early on. I knew it was important to be transparent so he would not find out later and feel hurt or suspicious. I have explained it, even shown him proof that there is nothing to worry about. But he still feels insecure.

Now, it feels like my honesty might have been the worst decision I ever made.

Yesterday, he said something that caught me completely off guard. He told me he cloned my WhatsApp. He said he did it because he does not trust Michael. But does not that really mean he does not trust me? He claims he has screenshots of my conversations with Michael that prove, without proper context, that Michael still has feelings for me. I know that is not true. He probably just saw messages while checking my phone.

I told him, “Michael can only do what I allow.” But Derrick is stuck on this idea, focused on a ghost instead of building the beautiful home we have. I do not know if something I did made him think this way, and I do not know how to move forward.

Part of me knows he believes I would never cheat. He says he knows I am not that kind of woman.

But now I am the one feeling insecure. Because if he trusted me, he would not need to trust Michael. It is me he should believe in.

Cloning my WhatsApp feels extreme. Where I come from, you do something like that because you are looking for something. I thought a simple conversation could have solved this. Why should I now have to watch everything I say in my own private chats, explaining inside jokes or casual comments just to ease his worries?

He told me this is the second time he has done something like this with someone he has been with. Should I be worried that I will spend my life proving I am trustworthy?

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I do not have a problem cutting Michael off if I have to. But I would need to finish our current project first. He has been a solid friend and a professional. Still, my marriage comes first.

I gave Derrick my phone pin from the beginning. I told him he could check it anytime because I have nothing to hide. But this is not what I signed up for.

How do we move past this without losing what we have built?

—Jackie

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