I married my childhood sweetheart. We were in JHS when we fell in love. Right from that point, he was the only person I had eyes for. Throughout my youth, it’s been only him. People thought because we started out so young, we wouldn’t go far. However, we surprised them when we made it to the altar.

The journey has been full of highs and lows. I want to say that while the good times were ecstatic, the bad times have been life-changing. Shortly after we got married, I conceived. We had a son who is now in SHS.

After the birth of our son, we couldn’t conceive again. At first, we left things to chance. We thought if we kept getting intimate it would happen, just as it did with the first baby, but it didn’t. When we became concerned, we visited the hospital. We both ran all sorts of tests but the results came out clean. They said we were fine, and that we should be able to get pregnant in no time. Everywhere we went, that was what they told us.

We tried a few medications that were recommended to us but nothing improved. Before we realized it, nine years had passed and we didn’t have another child. Although I was sad and frustrated about our situation, my husband took it extremely hard. He desperately wanted more children. This man would pick fights with me every month I got my period.

He never said it to my face but it was clear he blamed me for our fertility problems. I don’t know if he thought I was intentionally not getting pregnant or something. I don’t know if he was trying to hurt me or if it was just his desperation that caused it, but I didn’t take it easy when I found out that he had gone to impregnate my best friend.

It was the first time I had seen him get involved with another woman. And the fact that he chose my best friend doubled the size of the ache I felt in my heart. My husband apologized relentlessly until I forgave him. When the baby arrived, I took care of the child as though it was my own.

After that whole ordeal, my husband’s job transferred him to a different district. This man told me, “I don’t think you should come along with me. You have a job here so let’s find a way to make our marriage work while we live apart.” I would have easily agreed with him in the past, but after what he did with my best friend, I knew he just wanted to leave me behind so he would get the freedom to play with other women. I even heard that he moved to the new district with a girl.

So I applied for a transfer to his district and joined him. When I got there, I got the shock of my life. My husband was accommodating a young woman in her early twenties in his house. She was heavily pregnant with his child.

A lot of thoughts went through my mind. Most of them were violent and chaotic thoughts. However, I composed myself because of the kind of work I do. I didn’t want to create a scene and ruin my reputation in a town I had just been transferred to. So I said nothing.

As difficult as it was, I accepted the lady with a clean heart. She could use my stuff but I wouldn’t complain. Sometimes she even wore my clothes. I took care of her the way I would my younger sister. I did this all for my husband but he never appreciated my efforts. He would insult me in the presence of his pregnant girlfriend.

We started running a drinking bar together. I worked there every day after I closed from my work. The pregnant girl did nothing to contribute to the running of the home. She refused to help at the bar or even do house chores. My husband didn’t care enough to talk to the lady. I also didn’t want to be termed as someone who wasn’t peaceful, so I endured everything in silence.

When the baby arrived, none of the girl’s family showed up. I was the one who bought everything that a baby and mother needed for them. Then I took leave from work to stay home and cater for the baby and mum. You would think that my husband would have a change of heart and start acting right but he didn’t. He rather treated me worse than ever. I developed high blood pressure and diabetes as a result of his maltreatment.

While I suffer every day because of my illnesses, my man walks about as freely as someone who doesn’t have a care in the world.

Along the line, he was transferred to our hometown due to a project we were both working on. He left me and my rival behind and went alone. I feed and clothe this lady and her baby because my husband hardly sends money home.

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I tried to hold on and be a good wife but I got tired in the end. And everything changed for me when I met an old friend who used to have an interest in me. We got talking and he told me he still liked me. Out of loneliness, I agreed to have a relationship with him. I just missed what it felt like to be wanted by a man. And this old friend of mine was loud about how much he wanted me. It was nice.

I was still married so I was scared to get intimate with him. However, he gave me peace and made me happy. So I gave myself to him. It happened only once. I hadn’t conceived in eleven years so I thought I couldn’t. Imagine my surprise when I found out I was pregnant.

I’ve Thought About How To Blame God

After all these years of hoping and praying, I am finally with child. I should be rejoicing but this is not how I wanted it to happen. So I am wondering if I should keep it or get rid of it. As if things are not chaotic enough, my husband has also found out about the man am going out with. He is very upset. He even went to report me to my mother.

After everything I have been through in his hands, I honestly don’t care about any of that. What I want to know is if this is a pregnancy I should keep. Or if I should terminate it so I can sort out my life.

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—Amy

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