My husband built his world around me even before we got married. I was supportive right from the start, and he felt he could rely on that support for everything. At this point in our marriage, I’m no longer the supportive wife. It’s like I’m the lead and he’s supporting. I’m the one with the better job, so my financial contribution to running the home is bigger.

I don’t complain about that, but anytime I have to send money to my parents or my siblings, my husband sees it as me choosing my family over supporting our own family. So I do it secretly. When I have to send something to my own parents, I have to delete every trace of it as though I stole the money.

Whenever my husband sees me talking to my mom or dad, he lingers around, trying to hear what we’re talking about. Right after the call, he asks me, “What did he say? Is he looking for money?”

I helped my brother rent a place for his national service, and my husband got angry. “If you weren’t his sister, do you mean he couldn’t afford a place to stay during his national service?” Right after that, he would intentionally ask me for a large sum of money, and when I wasn’t able to give it to him, he would tell me I had chosen my family over him.

This has gone on for years. We have fought about it to the extent that he reported me to our pastor. When the pastor sided with me and suggested a compromise, my husband got angry and stopped going to church for months.

Why am I sharing this story?

My mom got sick, and I was called. I told my husband about it, and his first sentence was, “They should just say they need money instead of using sickness as an excuse.” I didn’t reply. If I had, it would have been fireworks.

I spoke to my mom and sent money for her medical bills, but each time we spoke, I realized she wasn’t getting better, so I decided to go and visit her.

My husband kicked against it, but I went anyway. When I returned, this man went through my phone and checked every amount I had spent. Even the amount I withdrew from the bank, he used against me. “If I asked you for this amount to build our house, you would say you don’t have it, but look at this.”

I didn’t fight back. I went to see my parents again, and my husband changed the locks on our door. He said I should go back to my family since I was more married to them than I was to him.

We argued. I said I was going to break the door. He dared me, and out of anger I said, “How much did you even contribute to the rent that you want to lock me out?”

That statement is the reason I’m sharing this story today. My husband said I was undermining his authority because of the little money I contribute to the house. My mom was sick, and he knew it, yet he called her to tell her he wanted a divorce.

My dad got angry and asked why he would tell a sick woman such a thing. My husband told my dad, “I don’t even want to hear your voice. You’re the one pushing your daughter to behave this way.”

I Called My Girlfriend And Another Man Answered The Phone

Now my dad wants me out of the marriage. My husband, who said he was leaving me, has changed his mind, saying he spoke out of frustration. My mom, who is still recovering, thinks I’m better off at home than living with a man like that.

Honestly, I’m tired of my husband’s behavior and manipulation, but I believe this alone shouldn’t cause a divorce.

Where do I go—to my parents or to my husband?

—Julie

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