My girlfriend has a son who is eight years old. Although she is no longer with her baby daddy, he is present in their son’s life. He pays the boy’s school fees and occasionally buys books for him. When it comes to other expenses like food, clothes, shoes, and toys, he doesn’t bother with them. So I have been doing that part of the provision since I started dating Phoebe.

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I don’t want her or the child to feel that I am only in the relationship for Phoebe’s sake. I do my best to make the boy feel he is a part of my plan when I say we should be a family. I try to fill up the gap his father leaves. I shop for him the way a father would their biological son. Currently, we’ve moved in together. The three of us live in one room as a family.

I love this boy to bits. I am just not happy that he doesn’t appreciate me. Whatever I do for him, it is his mother who receives the praises. It’s not as if my contribution to their lives is insignificant.

I take care of both mother and son as though they are my wife and son. Phoebe is not working. Needless to say, she doesn’t have any money. All our living expenses are covered by me. Currently, I am working on opening a nail salon for her. That way she can earn her own money and lessen the financial burden on me.

We are almost done filling up the shop but I don’t think Phoebe tells her son just how much I do for them. I have often heard him tell his mother that she has money to buy him nice stuff. All those times, I expected Phoebe to correct him and tell him it’s coming from me. To my dismay, she kept quiet and took all the credit.

Her behaviour has made it such that the boy has never told me, “Thank you,” for anything I have ever done for him. A simple, “Uncle John is the one who bought the stuff for you, so say thank you to him,” would have sufficed.

Just recently he came telling his mum, “Mumm, I need some books for school.”

I knew she couldn’t afford it so I gave her money to buy the books for him. I was there when she gave it to him. This boy was jumping up and down, “Thank you so much, mummy. You are the best.” She just smiled and received all the praises. Didn’t even point him in my direction.

After that incident, we went to Accra to get some stuff for the nail salon. I saw a pack of pencils, and bought it for the boy. When we got home, he accepted it gladly and praised his mother for all of it.

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What’s wrong if she corrected him and said I was the one who bought it? At least, it would make the boy feel I think of him and love him as my son.

Despite all this, I can’t stop taking care of him. Just the other day, I bought him a bowl and a water bottle for school. I also got him snacks for school. Anytime I have the money, I buy him something just to make him feel that he’s part of the plan but he always gives praises to his mum.

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It’s beginning to make me angry. At first I let it slide but now it’s getting out of hand. I believe this is all my girlfriend’s fault. If she had pointed him in the right direction right from the beginning, we wouldn’t be here right now.

My question is, should I stop buying him things, since he doesn’t recognise me as the person those things come from? Or should I leave the relationship and go where I would be appreciated? Sometimes I tell myself I am overreacting but I don’t think I am.

—Jay 

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