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Last year, I proposed to a girl I’d been admiring for so long. She said yes. The next day, the country went on a lockdown. Before the lockdown was announced, we planned to meet over the weekend to celebrate our newfound love. That didn’t happen. We were behind doors chatting and talking on the phone all the time. We did a lot of video calls and found new ways to get connected to each other though we were far apart. One day she asked me, “So what’s the future going to be like for us?”

I said, “I’m looking at spending the rest of my life with you in the future because you look like the one.” She asked, “So what are the timelines?” I said, “Currently I have no timelines but if you push me to the wall, I’ll say we will be married in the next two years.” She said, “You’re my boyfriend now. I’m asking all these questions so I know how to live my life with you. I’m thirty-two. This is not the time for me to do hit and miss. I rather hit or don’t throw it at all.”

I said, “Don’t worry babe. This is not the kind of love that misses the target. I’m in for the long run and I’ll ensure we get the best out of this.”

I was under no illusion when I said this. I was thirty-six years old and I felt ready to take the next step but first, I thought I should know the woman I was going to get married to inside out and be convinced that she was the kind of woman who will support my dreams and help push us to the promised land.

Samantha is a good choice. She has a good job that pays her well. She lives in her own apartment and drives her own car—a car she speaks of with a lot of pride because she bought it with her own sweat. I liked that part of her. She said, “If you’re with me, I don’t expect you to do anything extraordinary. I don’t need your money and I don’t need your favor. Just do the little things. That’s all I need from a boyfriend.”

When the lockdown was over, I traveled back to Accra, and the next day she came to my house. She came with a bag full of groceries and other food items. Immediately she settled down, she asked, “Where’s the kitchen?” You know guys, the kitchen doesn’t come to mind when we are renting. I told her, “There’s a kitchen but I share it with other tenants. I’ve never used it because I don’t cook.” She said, “Wear something and let’s go.” I asked, “Go where?” She said, “Let’s go to my place. I need to cook these items.”

I wore a shirt and followed her to her house.

Everything she did that day felt like she was trying to impress me. The food she cooked, the way she served it, and how she sat next to me cuddling while I ate. It all felt someway but I played along. After everything, she said, “You’re staying the night. We don’t have anywhere to go.” I stayed and we had the most wonderful night of our lives.

Since then we’ve been good lovers. We’ve had a series of misunderstandings but whatever happens between us, we solve it like the way adults solve their problems. We talk through our problems. Just six months into the relationship she asked me, “So why do you want to marry in the next two years when we can just go ahead and do it tomorrow?” I laughed, “Can we use one day to plan a wedding?” She said, “Why not? We can do it if only we both have the willing hearts.”

I said, “Two years is enough to know the person you’re with and it’s also enough time to plan, put resources together and have a beautiful marriage.” She asked, “Don’t you know me?” I said, “I know you and I love you for who you are.” She said, “Then let’s get married. We can use the next two months to plan. Everyone is having a small wedding because of the corona, we can also do the same.”

I said, “Dear, let’s take our time.”

She didn’t like my response. It turned into a mini argument. She had the last say, “You men are always scared when it comes to commitment but I hope you’re not wasting my time.”

December last year, she sent me photos of different wedding dresses. She asked, “Which one should I choose?” I said, “Are you choosing a wedding dress for a friend?” She said, “What do you mean? Are we not going to get married soon? What’s wrong if I start preparing? “I knew where the argument was going to end so I selected one and sent it back to her. She said, “I’m going to order it very soon.” I responded, “Hmmm.”

In March this year, she got very moody. I didn’t know what the issue was. I asked what was wrong and she said everything was alright. One night, I was in the house when she came. She usually calls before coming but this time she didn’t. She sat next to me and said, “If it’s money, then don’t worry. I will fund everything.” I asked, “What are you talking about?” She said, “We’ve been together for a year now. You know me and I know you. You said you love me. I love you too. Nothing stops us from getting married. Maybe you’re thinking about the money you’ll spend on the wedding. Don’t worry, I will fund the wedding myself.”

I didn’t know what to tell her so it doesn’t generate an unwanted argument. I was quiet. She said, “Just say yes and we’ll start the preparation tomorrow.” I said, “Dear Samantha, it’s not about money. Why can’t you allow us to have a peaceful relationship and then decide together what next to do?” That didn’t go well with her. She said, “You frustrate me with your answers all the time. What can’t you decide? Aren’t you a man?” Why are you scared to decide? What’s stopping you?”

She slept next to me that night. She chuckled and made a lot of angry noise all night but I said nothing.

I don’t understand her frustration. I don’t know why she’s so eager to get married even to the extent of funding the whole wedding. Sometimes it scares me. It makes me think there’s more to it than meets the eyes. I’ve tried my best to calm her down and take her mind off marriage but we don’t go a single day without arguing about marriage.

READ ALSO: I Had To Lose My Best Friend So I Could Marry His Junior Sister

As I’m writing this, she told me she has bought our wedding rings and my wedding suit. She has decided on our wedding colors and has started talking to wedding vendors. She has told her parents that I would be coming home soon with my family to meet them. Her father called me a few days ago asking when we’ll be coming. I didn’t even know what to say. I told him, “We are still planning so kindly give us some time.”

I don’t know why she’s pushing this agenda. I’m confused and don’t know what to do. What’s behind this frustration? What’s behind this forceful push for marriage? Why does she want to marry by all means? I’m beginning to have doubts about us. Maybe she has something to hide or there’s something she’s keeping from me. Would I be wrong if I pull out of this relationship? I need urgent advice.

–Jay

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