I don’t know if I’m overreacting or finally seeing the truth, but everything in me is beginning to fear the woman I’m dating. We’ve been together barely a year, yet I’ve seen enough to question whether she’s someone I can build a future with. It’s not her beauty, her behaviour, or her attitude that scares me. It’s her stinginess. And maybe “stingy” is even a polite word for what she does.
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Since we started dating, I’ve been the only one planning dates and trips because according to her, “It’s your money so you should decide where to spend it.” At first, I laughed and thought she was joking. But it became a pattern. I would buy her thoughtful gifts hoping she’d one day surprise me with something too. Instead, anytime she wanted to “buy” me something, she would only show me a picture of it and say, “Don’t you think this would look nice on you?” If I said yes, she would follow with, “Then give me money let me buy it for you.” How does someone claim to love you yet refuse to spend even a little on you?
She’s not broke. She earns well enough to buy a GHC1,000 gift if she wants to. But it’s like her money is holy and my money is public property.
The day I lost my Apple Watch during a trip with her was the day I realized just how far she could go. I was really worried because I had bought that watch only a few months earlier. She touched my shoulder and said, “Don’t worry. I will buy some for you.” I was shocked. Something in me wanted to believe she truly cared. A week later, she sent me a photo of the Apple Watch online and asked, “Is this the one you lost?” When I confirmed, she said, “It’s expensive o. Why don’t you pay half and I also pay half?”
I didn’t argue. I just paid my half. Only for her to show up with a fake, cheap knockoff watch. She used my money to buy nonsense and pocketed the rest. When I confronted her, she said, “It looks the same. No one will know unless you tell them.”
Is There A Perfect One Out There For Everyone?
That day, anger pushed me to go into her purse. I took everything I saw to cover my loss. She’s now angry and acting like I’m the villain.
But how do you stay with a woman who won’t spend on you, who manipulates you financially, and who steals from you with a straight face? People say a woman in love spends on her man. This one? She spends my money on herself and calls it love.
Isn’t this enough reason to walk away before she finishes me completely?
—Mavin
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*****
Hahaha
Drop that yam
Else you will suffer oo
There is one here even pure water she will wait for her husband meanwhile she works. With such a woman you may not be able to acquire propertie because you will be seriously drained.
You are totally right. Just walk away.
If that’s a tick off for you, walk away
O your girl nah
Thank you for having the courage to share such a personal and emotionally complex situation. It’s clear this has been weighing heavily on you, and articulating it so honestly takes a lot of strength.
You’ve perfectly captured the confusing and paradoxical feeling of having a generous gesture feel more like a transaction. When the “love” she expresses is funded by your own resources, it can understandably feel invalidating and create a sense of emotional debt rather than care. Your desire for connection that isn’t tied to your wallet is completely valid and speaks to a need for genuine, independent affection.
While only you know the full dynamic, your reflection points to a deeper need for a conversation about “love languages” and financial boundaries. It might be less about the money itself and more about what the act of giving means to each of you. Does she feel this is her only way to contribute or show she’s thinking of you? Or is there a mismatch in how you both perceive partnership and shared resources?
This isn’t a small issue, and your feelings are a crucial signal. Wishing you clarity and the confidence to have the honest talk this deserves. Thank you again for writing this—I’m sure it resonates with many others who feel the same but haven’t found the words.