My girlfriend sleeps at the house of other men but says I’m overreacting. I’ve been in a relationship with her for almost two years now. She is 22 and I’m 25. Over this period, I’ve repeatedly come across evidence of her being emotionally involved with multiple other men. In some cases, she has spent nights at their homes or they have visited hers.

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Whenever I confront her, she initially lies and denies everything. When I later present evidence, she eventually admits it but insists that those men are not her “serious” partners and that I am the only one she considers serious.

This cycle has happened several times: denial, evidence, admission, apology, forgiveness and then repetition.

For context, I’m currently in tertiary education. Despite my limited capacity as a student, I try my best to support her financially and emotionally within what I can afford. She is an SHS graduate who has been moving from one minor company job to another.

There was an earlier incident where I found romantic conversations between her and another man. When confronted, she boldly gave me the man’s contact to call or text. The man denied everything. She then deleted his number in my presence. However, a month or two later, I caught her again having romantic conversations with the same person. Her response was that none of those men had ever had sex with her, so she didn’t understand why I was reacting.

Later, I saw a message from that same man telling her they should end things because he was scared for his life. That message was what made me end the relationship initially. I blocked her and moved on. After nearly a month of repeated apologies and promises, I accepted her back but the same issues have continued.

Recently, I saw another text exchange between her and a different man. The man was asking her if they could get back together and apologizing for what happened in the past. She responded with a voice note listing certain items she wanted and saying she would be ready to come back if those demands were met.

Seeing this made me ask her to let me be if this is the lifestyle she wants to live. Instead of addressing the issue, her response was to ask why I wouldn’t simply let her go if I believe she is cheating or not doing what I want.

What confuses me is that she gives me a lot of attention, shows up whenever I call her, and generally behaves like a very available partner. Yet the dishonesty, emotional involvement with other men, and lack of accountability keep happening.

Marriage Through the Eyes of Millennials and Gen-Z

I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted. I sincerely want honest opinions  especially from women:

Am I being used or manipulated?

Is this emotional cheating, even if she claims there’s no sex involved?

Is there another explanation for this behavior that I may be missing?

Or am I simply refusing to accept what is obvious?

I would appreciate respectful, honest perspectives.

—Musa

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