I am getting married in about three months’ time. And all my life, I have known three fathers; my birth father, my foster father, and my stepfather. Among these three men, my foster father is the one who raised me and catered for me. My stepdad also did his bit when he stepped into the picture. As for my birth dad, he was there from the beginning. I used to live with him until he threw me out of his house just a month before I wrote my BECE. After that incident, he has not been a part of my life. Everything I ever needed, I got from my mother, my foster father, and then occasionally, my stepfather.

Now that we have covered my three fathers, let us return to my wedding. Initially, I did not plan to inform my birth dad, Kojo, about my marriage plans, even though I already told the other two. My reason was simple; the man didn’t take care of me. However, a chief advised me, “I understand that the man didn’t take care of you, but he is still your father.?And tradition demands that you tell him. Then he can decide whether or not to be present for the ceremony.” Now the problem is, when I told my foster dad, Nana, about the chief’s advice he was outraged. He swore, “If Kojo comes for the wedding then I won’t come. I don’t mind if your mother’s husband, Papa, comes for the wedding but I won’t agree for Kojo to be there.” I tried to remind him about tradition but he said; “Do you know that your mother cheated on me by giving you to Kojo?” I looked at him with confusion on my face.

“Let me tell you what happened,” He intoned. “I was a teacher while your mother was working as a secretary. We had a lovely relationship until I travelled for a short time. When I returned, she was pregnant, and everyone was saying the pregnancy was Kojo’s. I didn’t believe them. I tried to contest it and own responsibility but your mother said it wasn’t mine. I couldn’t stand the betrayal so I left town. When I returned after six years, our families wanted me to marry her but I said no. I told them I would take care of you, and I kept my word until you became financially independent. I know that everything that happened is in the past but I still feel pain when I remember what your mother did. That’s why I can’t be at your wedding if Kojo is also there.”

After speaking to him I became more confused than ever. What I remembered that made everything add up was, there was a time Nana wanted me to change my surname to his. It felt like a long process to get it done so I didn’t. After his confession, I understood how painful it felt for him to watch me use the name of the man my mother chose over him. Anyway, I didn’t want to listen to only one side of the story so I went to speak to my mother. She also told me her side; “Nana is not lying, we dated. In the entire time we were together he made me get rid of three pregnancies. His reasons were always, ‘I am not ready to be a father.’ Or ‘The church will excommunicate us if they find out that we are pregnant out of wedlock.’ So when he left for school, I seized the opportunity to move away and start my life afresh. That was when I met Kojo, and I got pregnant shortly after we got together.

“I returned home, and so did Nana. He found out about the pregnancy and asked if it was his and I said it wasn’t. So he got angry and left town for six years. The entire time he was away, I sent him letters asking him to come back so we discuss the issue. But he didn’t respond to any of my letters, let alone talk to me. When he finally returned, our families tried to get us to get married but Nana refused. He blatantly told me he wouldn’t marry a born one. However, he said he liked you so he would take care of you. Three years later, I married Papa. You already know how we struggled to have kids but it all resulted in miscarriages and one stillbirth. And you also know that Nana never got married or had kids. To these two men, you are the world. Let this information guide you in your decision. All I will say is,?Kojo’s presence at your wedding is entirely your choice.”

READ MORE: Three Pregnancies And A Huge Debt Later, He Left Me For Another Woman

I thought talking to my mother will give me some answers but it has left me more confused. I don’t know if I should believe her side of the story or if I should believe Nana’s. The information they both dumped on me is a lot to process. So I have decided that I will deal with it later. What I know right now is that Nana has to be at my wedding. He has been there for me all my life so I cannot have him miss my big day. My question now is, does this mean I should not invite Kojo? What happens to tradition then? I am very confused about how to go about this.

My fiancé is aware that I have three fathers and he is willing to do everything that they ask of him. What he is not willing to do is help me decide whether or not to invite Kojo. He believes I should decide that on my own. This is why I am here for advice. Tell me, what should I do?

—Mavis

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