I accepted a friend request from a guy on Facebook about four years ago, but I didn’t pay him much attention. It was roughly five months ago that we started talking. I found out that he lived in my neighbourhood and worked as a presenter at one of the nearby radio stations. The proximity literally brought us close.

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I was single at the time. He said he was single too. And because we lived close, he was constantly asking to see me. We would meet in public spaces and have long conversations. It was fun. I liked getting to know him.

One day while we were talking, he asked if I would like to give him a chance. “I want to be your boyfriend.”

By then, I felt I knew him enough. He had done nothing but make me feel safe. Considering that he worked in the media space, I felt he wouldn’t behave badly toward me. I agreed to date him.

He often asked me to visit his house, but I was not comfortable doing that yet. After a month of dating, I finally decided to go. My first impression of the place wasn’t good. He lived in extreme dirt, as though the house had been abandoned for years. When I asked him about it, he said, “Oh, this place was under renovation so there was no one here. I was living with my uncle temporarily, I just moved back.”

He wanted to have intimacy in that dirt. I said no. The next time I visited him, he asked for it again. I turned him down, “I have never been with a man. I don’t want to do it yet. I want to wait until marriage.” His response was anger. It became a dance between us. Every time he tried to seduce me, I would tell him I wasn’t ready. Then he would get angry and say hurtful things to me. “You are rejecting me because you don’t love me,” he would accuse.

Apart from intimacy, he asked me for money. This guy would go to work, and call to tell me he was hungry so I should order food for him. One day I told him I didn’t have money. He got angry.

Anytime he asked for something and I didn’t give him, he would get upset. Sometimes he asked me for stuff that cost money, and other times he asked for money. He never even asked if I had money to spare. It was as if I was supposed to always have money for his sake, if not then I would have failed as a girlfriend.

I can’t believe I used to send him screenshots of my account balance to prove to him that I truly had nothing.

Two months into the relationship, he wore me down. I gave myself to him. Then I got pregnant.

He asked me to keep it but I wasn’t ready for a child. In the end, we agreed I would get rid of it. I asked him to accompany me to the hospital for a safe procedure. He said he was busy with work.

“You are a nurse so I am sure you know your way around these situations. Handle it yourself.”

I didn’t have the money to pay for the proper medication, so I used an alternative means to do it myself. When I finished I bought myself some blood tonics.

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He promised to send me money, but until today, I haven’t received anything from him. He doesn’t talk to me anymore unless I text him first. If I don’t reach out for a month, he never bothers to check on me.

I’m depressed because of everything he has put me through. He was my first intimate experience, and it ended up traumatising me. I don’t know if I should keep asking him for the money he promised or just let it go. I also don’t know if I should keep texting him since he no longer makes any effort to keep this relationship. I feel so lost and alone.

—Kara

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