My fiancé and I live together with our two children. Our marriage preparations are underway but I am contemplating if this is a man I should marry. He is not an easy man to love. His associations and certain behaviours are gradually pushing me into depression.
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He is a responsible man, I will give him that. He takes good care of me and the children. He is also not the kind of man who would say his money is all we need to function as a family. While he provides, he is also physically present and involved with childcare.
While he is being a present father and partner, he is also living a life that doesn’t portray him as a family man. He is out there entertaining other women as if he is a bachelor who just came of age and is looking for a wife.
This same man goes above and beyond to cage me. He doesn’t want me to smile or talk with any man. He would get angry and throw tantrums if I said another man was my friend. So for the sake of peace, he is the only man in my life, apart from the men I am related to.
Sadly, he won’t make changes to his social life for the sake of my peace of mind. He would rather propose love to any woman he fancies than exercise self-control. When they ask him about me he tells them that he has fallen out of love with me.
It would have been easier if his actions aligned with those words. They don’t. He still behaves like the man who loves me. He has told several women he proposed to that he has fallen out of love with me. The quality time we spend at home hasn’t changed and he never spends a night away.
I remember the first time I found out about his affairs. He said he was sorry. “I don’t have anything serious going on with those women. You are my number one.”
He promised he would change and that I should give him time to work on himself. Time has passed but he is who he is. One time I was angrily ranting about one of his girls. He told me, “When you want to drink water from a particular well, you don’t look around it, else it will disgust you.”
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It made me angrier but he found a way to calm me. That’s how he is. He knows me so well that when I’m angry, he always finds ways to calm me down.
According to him, I have to ignore everything he does with other women if we are going to be happy. He is not lying. I can either leave him and find peace or I would have to learn to be unaffected by his actions, if I continue to stay.
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That’s the problem. I am not sure I have what it takes to accept his lifestyle. Every month, there is a new woman in the picture. It’s too much to cope with, but I am finding it harder to leave because of the kids. If I leave with them, he won’t contribute to their upkeep.
I am also considering the fact that I am turning 35 soon and I am a mother of two. Is it not too late for me to walk away? I don’t know what to do.
—Patie
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HIV is real be wise n smart
It’s always sad how women always stay for the kids without realising how much damage they are doing to the very same kids they are staying for. I think what he says to those ladies is exactly how he feels about you. Love doesn’t hurt sis and the more you focus on what is wrong with you ( being 35 and two kids) will keep you there in misery. The reason why he doesn’t want you to have mail friends is coz of what his intentions are when he befriends ladies. God wants the absolute best for his children, yes you Sis! He is never going to change because in his mind you have nowhere else to go especially with two kids. Leave for the sake of your kids. He can parent from afar. Put yourself first and place more value and worth on you. You don’t deserve that.
Beyond the emotional torture, there’s also health risk, STDs including HIV/AIDS! Plus what kind of role model is he to your kids? You want your son to become a womanizer like his dad or your daughter to date e cheat because that’s what her mom is doing? Leave him. He refuses to change, for crying out loud! He’s still a father. Ensure he continues to pay for their upkeep. You can always get social welfare involved, if he refuses to do so. This is not love, it’s disrespect. No matter your circumstance Love will find you regardless!